Sunday, December 30, 2007

Was 2007 Good 2 U?

Bain, Me, Burdi and Jesus in DR (June 2007)

The funny thing is I can't remember having a bad year ever. Sure, I go through tough times just like the next man, but in the end I guess I'm always thankful that things aren't worse.
My boy Mark recently told me, "you had a great year." Hmmmm, let's see. I was on my death bed twice (I rarely get sick) this year, nearly got pepper sprayed (don't ask) and dumbed out financially (I'm straight now). But on the flip side, I flew first class for the first time, chilled in Seattle, work allowed me to party in Atlanta, go to Los Angeles, go to Las Vegas and Miami (twice) for the first time, my boy Jesus got married in the Dominican Republic (first!), I met Paula Patton, Kim Kardashian and Lauren London (sorry for the bad pics), went to a million and one parties, dropped a well received mixtape, got a new job (more money), moved to a bigger apartment, broke one of the biggest stories of the year, did voiceovers for an upcoming (gigantic) video game, caused a little controversy and cut my six-year old braids.

The fun didn't come without hurdles though. It was a year of firsts and misses. With all that partying, I was begging to throw up. And I finally did (barf from drinking) for the first time in my life this past October. Meanwhile, I hardly got on a plane without complications. Our flights were delayed for Vegas, I missed my flight for my first trip to Miami, missed my connection flight on my second trip to Miami and my luggage was lost in DR. I may have been worried or pissed at the time, but now I have plenty of stories to tell.

You know what, come to think about it, I did have a good year, one of the most memorable yet. I just hope 2008 is at least half as fun. What about you guys? Was it a good year for you, or are you one of those who can't wait for the ball to drop? What were the high and low points of your year? Speak on it!

Gansin' Around In Vegas

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Friday, December 28, 2007

I Can't Read...

Yep! I'm illiterate when it comes to deciphering these girls' intentions. I mean, I'm totally at fault. The fact is I refuse to put myself out there, so I prefer signs to be spelled out. But how often is that going to happen?

For instance, this girl, the same chick who had the balls to ask me for a gift, asked me out this summer. But her intentions initially weren't that clear, at least in my opinion. "We should hang out," she said. Soon enough we were grabbing a bite together. I tend to overthink and as always, my mind ran wild minutes before reaching the spot.

"Is this a date? Should I pay? If I don't and she thinks it's a date, I'll come off like an asshole. But then again, she invited me, so should I let her pick up the check?"

Only minutes after meeting up, things became clear. She asked me out on a date. The same scenario recently resurfaced. "We should link up," another shorty suggested. Only this time, though we had fun, I left the "meeting" without an answer. But..."I'm looking forward to doing this again," she said. So there you have it. I still can't read. Speak on it!

Total Sidebar: The fast is over. I couldn't do it. I caved in with a double sausage (pause) and cheese on a plain bagel this morning and then got two slices of pizza later on. I'm a very weak man. LOL

Thursday, December 27, 2007

So, Who Else Is Fasting?

I didn't know fasting was so common. I mean, at the very least, it appears that a lot of my friends, relatives and acquaintances, are fasting until the end of the year.

Just last week, I was talking to my friend Dana and she told me she was fasting. Only a few days ago, my cousin Tone told me the same. Apparently, it's some sort of cleansing. It gets rid of all the toxins in your body so you can start the year fresh. Whatever! LOL

Not that I couldn't use some cleansing. I severely lack discipline, so I thought it'd be a good challenge to take on. So far I'm on Day 2 and I'm cheating all over the freaking place. Yesterday, I had yogurt, a banana, some cashews and Tostitos. I'm doing a little better today though. I only had yogurt this morning.

I'll be honest though. I doubt I'll be able to hold on till the end of the year, let alone the end of the week. The M Train always stops right by this Popeyes at the Myrtle Ave station and God knows I needs me a chicken wing pronto. How about you guys? Who else is fasting? If so, are you sticking to it? Speak on it!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Blackest White Singers Ever...

Justin Timberlake can sing, but he doesn't sound black to me. Sure, he got that cute little falsetto (pause!), but again, he doesn't sound black to me. Let's not get it twisted. Future Sex/Love Sounds is my favorite album (any genre) of 2006. But I think JT's "blackness" probably comes from Timbaland's sonics and the MJ-inspired dance moves more than anything.

It's funny that people mention Timberlake, Amy Whinehouse and Robin Thicke as part of some sort of emergence considering Blue-eyed soul used to be more common. Me and my cousin Tone were talking about it just last night. So many had us fooled thinking they were one of us, when in fact, they were part of the Blue-eyed soul legend. Let's take a look shall we.

Daryl Hall (of Hall & Oates): I'll be honest. I only found out they were white like last year or something. Some of their songs are older than me, so in some cases I rememberthe the tunes, but not the visuals. [Check Out "Maneater"]

Michael McDonald: The man was signed to Motown and went toe-to-toe with Patti Labelle and Chaka Khan. Nuff said! [Check Out "Sweet Freedom"]

Taylor Dane: I still don't think she's white. This chick gotta be a very light skinned sister. [Check Out "Tell It To My Heart"]

Teena Marie: Ya'll already know. Somebody needs to hit youtube with Teena's catalog though.

Phill Collins: Genesis was no R&B, but you couldn't help but hear the soul in Phil's voice. One listen to "Easy Lover" and "Can't Hurry Love" and we were trying to claim him.

Bryan Abrams (of Color Me Badd): Tell the truth. You thought they were brothers and then saw they corny ass on TV. You know you liked the song. Just admit it. [Check Out "I Wanna Sex You Up"]

Amy Whinehouse: No brainer, here. If I was niggorant, I'd point out that Amy got issues just like black people. But let's not go there. [Check Out "Valerie"]

Don't nobody dare bring up Joss Stone. That chick can't really sing like that. I love Thicke and Jamiroquai, but I don't know. Once again, the production plays a huge part. And let's not get carried away and say someone sounds black just cause they can sing. Some of you mid to late 80s babies may wanna look up some of these folks right quick. I'm sure there's plenty more, but I gotta go to bed. Who am I missing?


Monday, December 24, 2007

"You Owe Me A Gift"

Yeah right! I only buy stuff for my parents and the kids (nieces and nephews) the days. But at this point, it has more to do with my pockets than my acknowledged selfishness. When I got it, I actually feels great to share the wealth. Oh, and the girlfriend gets something too. But since I'm single at the moment, it's the least of my concerns.

Funny thing is two girls asked me for gifts in recent months. What's even funnier is that they weren't joking. I met the first girl in August I believe. We've only gone out twice since then, Once in August and once in October (I think). Besdies that, we've bumped into each other once and had approximately 5 minutes worth of text message conversations. Still, the second time we linked up she kept going on about me missing her birthday party a few weeks prior. "You owe me a gift," she informed me. That was right around the time I was about to get a Sidekick LX from my boy Jackson. Next thing you know this chick is telling me the sidekick would make for a nice gift. LMAO!

Meanwhile I met the second girl at some point this past summer. I can't remember. Anyway, similar scenario. We hung out one or three times, nothing deep. "You owe me a gift," she told me the last time we hung out. Dude, her birthday hasn't even passed yet. I guess that's her way of letting me know she's expecting something. Shiiiiiiiiittttttt!

Now, this isn't breaking news. Plenty of fellers feel they have to spend to get a shot. Not me. This may seem foul, but I gets plenty of free throws. So don't ask me for no gifts. And don't worry. I won't ask you for one either. Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Put That Drink Down

"H.D. est jamais down, jamais soul" - La Variable
That was French in case you were wondering. And that my friends, was a famous lyric from my boy Fred. We used to address it all in our good old weekly freestyle sessions. Allow me to translate. Fred was basically saying that I never drank when we went out. It's true. Oh, it's true.
The principles haven't changed. I never drink when I eat and don't sip in the daylight. But I sure drink when we hit the clubs these days. It's those damn open bars. About a year and a half ago, me and my boy Mark began attending industry parties on a regular basis. I mean, the liquor is free. Why not? First it was a drink or three, but I've pretty much been testing my limit as of late. I threw up for the first time in my life just last month and God knows my judgment's been questionable when drinking this year. Waking up tipsy ain't too cool either. I don't like it one bit.
So, my new-year resolution is to drink more responsibly. By that I mean less liquor and less often. How about you? Where do you stand with your drinking? Do you have a new-year resolution? Speak on it!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

I Shouldn't Smell Better Than U

I've developed a rep for smelling good over time. In my Red Lobster days, my former co-workers (ladies of course) used to burry their faces in my neck between orders. Not that I think I deserve a cookie for buying a bottle of Curve or anything. It's only right. Some chicks apparently disagree though.

Let's just say the next time you hear me call a chick "stank," I probably won't be referring to her attitude. Attention ladies, stench is the no. 1 turn off just ahead of colored contacts. It's true! And I've sure bumped into my share of scent offenders this year. I remember meeting this girl a while back. Cute, smart, funny, good conversation and all. I first noticed a light stinky on a pouring day, so I just blamed it on the rain. Yeah, yeah! Anyway, the next time we linked up, I noticed that she had brought back the same odor as a chaperone. And in case you're wondering, the skies were clear that day.

Anyway, I've since become a smelly chick activist of some sorts. I'll go even further. I demand for chicks to wear fragrances when in the club. No exceptions! I've smelled plenty of roses fresh off the dance floor. Why should you be any different? So remember... I'll let you slide with a burp, maybe a fart (temporary), but I shouldn't smell better than you.
Speak on it!

Friday, December 14, 2007

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Why Superman That ... When You Can Wolverine That...Or Juggernut That...

Some of you may remember that Soulja Boy's "Crank That" inspired spin-off songs and dances like the "Batman" and "Spider-Man" earlier this summer. I don't. Perhaps because I was too busy trying to figure out what "Superman That ..." meant.

A few weeks back rumors spread that "Superman..." refered to a sexual act in which the male ejaculates on the woman's back and then covers it with a sheet. I know! Soulja Boy immediately denied the rumors. Still, whether he likes it (admits it) or not, SB may not only have sparked a dance craze, but a series of superhero-related sex acts as well. I was talking to this shorty this weekend and she told me these kids done came up with some freaky stuff for Batman and Spider-Man. I know! As soon as I brought it up to my boys (we'll call them Stank Finatra and Grammy Davis Sr.), they decided to challenge freaks and make up their own spin-offs. Amazingly, I can't say they have too much time on their hands. It took less than 15 minutes. DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER! I know ya'll pretty good at that.

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Cyclops That... We all know cyclopes have one eye. Sooooo...hmmmmmm... Phife Dawg's "Bust a nut inside your eye, to show you where I cum from" line from A Tribe Called Quest's "Scenario" probably sums this best.

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Wolverine That...Or Logan That...Wolverine's adamantium claws can "cut" through anything. Furthermore, Logan has the ability to heal fast and age slowly. In other words, he lasts longer. So if you're Wolverinin''re tearing it up for hours.

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Juggernut That...Juggernaut is one of the most powerful superheroes around. He's big... PAUSE! He's huge, PAUSE! Ok, please tell me you understand what a juggernut is, because I refuse to explain further.

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Flash Gordon That...Flash is a speedy little feller. It's a quickie.

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"Rogue A N*gga Up!" Yet another X-man uh? You've seen her in action. Should Rogue touch another person without gloves on, she drains all their powers, or "sucks" the life out of them. What man doesn't like getting rogued up.

Ok, some of you comic book enthusiasts may find this funny or offensive. Regardles, Stank Finatra said something interesting. "Superman that hoe implies that you ain't getting none. Why Superman that hoe when you can Wolverine that... or Juggernut that..."

R.I.P. Pimp C