Tuesday, February 12, 2008

"Take The Contact Out Your Eye, You're Far From Looking Fly"



She looks stupid...

Today's subject line is being brought to you courtesy of Phife Dawg on A Tribe Called Quest's "Butter" (The Low End Theory).

You ain't never lie, Phife! My boy Mark texts me the other day and suggested to guest blog on colored contacts, an issue I was already slated to tackle in my upcoming "Turn Offs" entry. Issue? Yes, issue! It's that deep. Being a longtime natural eye color activist, I immediately accepted.


Considering that our women are the worst colored contact offenders, who better than a Black guy and an Indian dude to weigh in on the topic? I'll cut straight to the chase. You morons look like idiots! Your genetics obviously don't allow for your iris to be grey or purple, so knock it off. Other than the fact that my family (on my mother's side) has long suspected that there could be Chinese in our ancestry, I'm black. I'm healthy doo doo complected, so I like my eyes dark brown. Even when it's natural, I'm not a fan of light eyes. Maybe cause I'm allergic to cats. On that note, I'll let Mark speak his piece.

Back in the day one summer, my boy Toby and I hit Rum Jungle (Guyanese/West Indian Club in Queens). Everything's cool, we're having a good time, but before leaving Toby asks management the best night to hit the club. Out comes this Indian chick to answer his question.

Chick had four different colors up in her eyeballs. I'm talking hazel, green with tints of orange, red. It was like looking at a talking kaleidoscope. WTF. Damn color contact jerk! What are you hiding, baby? Brown eyes? I got 'em. Most of us in this world do. Naah, but you'd rather rock 1/4 of the shades of a Crayola 64 crayon box up in your eyes. Jesus.

To all the ladies, I plead with y'all: Be normal. No more color contacts! You don't see me walking around with blue eyes on Monday, green eyes on Tuesday, and blue-green on Wednesday. Nah, it's brown all the time! Be yourself!

Speak on it!

10 comments:

Mark My Words said...

LMAO at "You morons look like idiots!"

They must stop the insanity!

Farrah said...

I used to rock the same two colors you just mentioned: purple (during my $54.11/high school daze) and grey (during my "I know I'm cute" college daze)

I am highly offended. Everyone is entitled to their preference, and you prefer natural eyed girls...All good. However, we all have creative license.

You ever thought that some girls (and guys) think that it's cute and fun. If a person was really trying to trick you into believing that their eye color was in fact different from what you see now, then would they change it all the time? THINK ABOUT IT!

Stop being so serious... Maybe colored contacts are not for you and the girls you date, but life is about having fun! Stop clenching your butt-cheeks so tight!!

LOL :-)

Brand! Nicole said...

You guys don't know what the hell you're talkin about. My shit is fly, Carl Cherry.

And Mark.

Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

Contacts are the worst. But don't worry B.Hop, we still love you. As for you my ex cousin, if you wanna go in, feel free. But I'm gonna need you to stop writing nonsensical stuff cause you think it reads well and then text me, "sorry, I had to do it. LOL." Next time I'm telling your dad.

Farrah said...

Not a cop out or anything but did you check out the :-) and LOL at the end!!!

BTW...You are way too sesitive.

Love Ya!!

Anonymous said...

would you men complain the same about girls with fake breats???? In the end its still un-natural.

Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

I can't speak on fake breast or ass. I've only been with natural women in those aspects.

But you know what, I guess I can see why a woman would be insecure because she has a flat chest. I'm not condoning, I just think I get it. On the flip side, why the hell would you be insecure about brown eyes? I don't think you can compare.

Anonymous said...

Whats wrong with eyes that are any other color than brown- and natural? You mentioned you don't even like blue eyes...

Should I be wearing brown contacts because I was born with blue eyes?

You know allergies to cats can dissipate with time...

I think natural is beautiful, despite the color...

As long as one can love themselves, inside and out without feeling that they need to change their born ass self.

Whether it be fake tits, fake eyelashes, fake tans, fake nails, fake hair, fake eyes, fake lips...

I personally can't stand it! I can't even imagine how young teen girls are able to learn to love themselves these days with everyones obsession with looking "ideal"...

samtubia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

Me mentioning I'm not a fan of blue eyes is just to reinforce my distaste for colored contacts. I can't be mad at somebody for what God gave them. And at the end of the day, there are beautiful women with eyes of all colors. The focus here are people who put colored contacts in their eyes when there's nothing wrong with their own.