Monday, June 30, 2008

I Love Wack People...

It took me a minute to complete this club blog.

I was heading to the gym, trying to write it on my bberry, but this latina next to me was talking some serious doo doo on her phone, so I couldn't focus. From what I gathered, she had just gotten into a fist fight with "some bitch" and was heading back to Brownsville, BK for some reinforcements.

She was kinda cute (I know you assholes were wondering). Despite a few bloody scratches on her face, she made it seem like she beat "the bitch" ass (No Pause). She simply wanted to go home, so she can "put sneakers on, wrap her hair" and return to inflict some more bodily harm to "that Biiiiiittcchhh!" She was talking so much ass that this 50-something white man next to me cowardly whispered: "would you shut the fuck up?"

Anyway, we got off at the same stop. Right when she stood by the train doors to make her exit, some corn bucket started trying to holler. It went a little something like this.

Corn Bucket: Where you going?

Pissy Chick: To Brownsville, so I can wrap my hair, get my sneakers and beat this bitch ass.

Corn Bucket: Let me get your number.

Pissy Chick: I don't have no phone on me. [Blogger's Note: Mind you the pissy chick was talking some serious horse ish on the phone minutes earlier.]

Corn Bucket: You wanna take mine?

Pissy Chick: I'll be around.

What a cunt muffin!!! Pardon the eavesdropping, but I blame the chick for first disturbing my blogging and then hooking me to her convo. Besides, this 24.6 (seconds) exchange was just too golden for me to mind my business this particular time. I'm no expert or anything, but why would you ask for the number so quickly? Bump that! Why would you try to get with a chick with a bloody face? You may as well try to bag a pregnant woman.

That being said, I'm not too mad at the corn bucket. Lames like him make us regular dudes look good. All that dumb stuff only works with poultry. I mean, I love doing hood rat stuff with my friends and all, but I'm allergic to birds. I love wack people, though. Thanks for making me look better. But here's my question. Do you think wack people know they suck? Most of the ones I know, don't. By the way, the Phillies are on a winning streak.


ron mexico said...

how pregnant is pregnant exactly?

ron mexico said...

but yes, i appreciate bitch niggas for their role in this whole natural selection thang.

Janee TMB said...

Very entertaining, excellent character sketch. I'm loving how you flipped the wackness by looking at the situation from a glass full perspective.

Farrah said...

What does a cunt muffin taste like?

You are one funny dude!!

Hobbs! said...

The Phillies are 90 - 0 this year.

Miss Chi said...

Toooo freaking funny. Just as lame dudes help good guys out, that chick is just doing her part.

Soopa Starr said...

RFLMAO@ this blog. To answer your question, cornballs sadly, do not know how much they suck. It's an epidemic. Dumbassitis surrounds us.

MeLa said...

wow... this may be my favorite blog of yours.
where to begin?

You experienced everything I love about public transportation, in one neat package. Loud, angry, preferably hood- thuggery conversations, people in questionable states (i.e. bloody face of cute girl), dudes throwing inappropriately timed hail mary's (because they always wait until you're about to get off), those dudes getting shut down in the most obvious ways ("I don't have a phone on me" made my life complete!!).. sigh. My idea of a good afternoon. Eavesdrop, you say? I'dve pulled out a bag of popcorn.

.. Also, Ron Mexico's comments are the jelly to your peanut butter blogs.