Sunday, July 6, 2008

10 First Date Deal-Breakers...



In case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty irritable.

I mean, it's all in fun, but how else do you explain my dismay for interior shades, scarves, contacts and self-proclaimed "cool people?" It's no different when it comes to poultry. I'm pretty anal, pause. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned being allergic to birds before. Extended bird exposure triggers my asthma and I start wheezing. I can't even wear snorkels, cause the coats are stuffed with feathers.

I ain't got time to pluck no chickens. And bird-brain behavior is definitely a deal-breaker. I remember going to the movies with this pelican a while back. You know I'm scatter brain, so I zoned out right around the time I got to the front of the ticket line. This cock sucking woodpecker (pun intended?) had the nerve to give me this, "what you waiting for, pay the man" look. Ohhhhh, it was over instantly. It was right around the first day of winter, so I told the pigeon she may as well migrate. Mind you, I was gonna pay. It was all in her attitude. I know some of you dudes may have stuck it out hoping for a kiss on the cheek. Me, not so moche. This wasn't a traditional deal-breaker, though. Matter fact, I took the time to explore potential first date deal-breakers.

Boogers: It's all timing with the boogie man. We all get them. So if one slides off your left nostril a few months into dating, you're probably good. First date, you're toast.

Trips & Falls: This is a tricky one. I probably wouldn't care if a girl fell on the date. The thing is, depending on how bad the chute was, the fallen may be too embarassed to face you again, so it may turn into a deal-breaker.

The Other Man/Woman: Apparently, looking at another woman during the first date is a deal -breaker. I mean, it is only the first date. It all depends on the look. But if you terminate the dater for trying to sneak a glance, I ain't mad at you. It may just be a pattern indicator.

Declined: I won't go out if I don't have any money, so this should never happen to me (fingers crossed). But if your card gets declined when the check comes, don't expect to hear from shorty again.

Spill It: This is a toss up (I think?) I don't know what I'd do if someone spilled something on me on the first rendez-vous. I think it depends on A) how much you're feeling the person B) How big the stain is.

The Ex Factor: It's normal for past relationships to come up, but they shouldn't be recurring themes throughout the date.

Let Me Get A Dollar: A friend of mine told me some dude spent his last on drinks and later asked her for a few bills so he can cop a hot dog. Wait! It gets better. Since homie ran out of money, he then asked her to swipe him in, so he can take the train home. All that on the first date. True story.

Dumb Movie Questions: Don't ask me what just happened. I'm seeing the movie for the first time just like you. Rather than ask me questions, look for clues and figure it out. That's what I do.

Get Off The Phone: It's one thing if your phone is your watch, but being glued to your device for most of the night probably isn't a good look. That being said, I confess to being a repeat offender. Oh well, Phillies won.

Ewwwwwww!: It's the first date, so we shouldn't be close enough for me to know you have racoon breath. Similarly, I heard MUESS has this new Skunk body spray some of these orioles have been using. Not a good look.

*Lateness?: Me and my dates never seem to be on time and for the most part, it has never really mattered. Perhaps some of you feel different.

What do ya'll think? What are your personal first date deal-breakers?

*Bonus

13 comments:

Naked With Socks On said...

Dumb Movie Questions: Don't ask me what just happened. I'm seeing the movie for the first time just like you. Rather than ask me questions, look for clues and figure it out. That's what I do.


I HATE when chicks do that. Like if you stop talking and asking dumb questions maybe you could keep up with what's going on on the big screen. SHHHHHH

Rosy said...

If she thought you weren't gonna pay, it was probably over for her too! lol. I'm sorry but the guy should pay on the first date, that's just the way it is! And being more than 15 minutes late might not be a deal breaker, but it's a major turn off.

Matou said...

Looking at other Women... Big Turn Off... Now I understand we a have eyes but there's no need for Double takes, Rubbernecking, or ANYTHING of the such...
AND GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE... I have a friend who's phone is an actual limb and is Always texting and sometimes talking... HUGE HUGE TURN OFF. But Since I like him so much I overlook it. I just Cringe and Scream on hr DL...

Dove said...

This is probably the weirdest thing, but my big deal breaker is poor table manners. If someone eats too fast or too loudly, if they are awkward at the table... I just shudder thinking about it. Also can't stand if someone has an annoying laugh. Or someone who makes repetitive noises (ie: toe tapping, jingling keys, snapping, sucking their teeth, pen clicking...)

Other than that, there's not a lot that really bothers me.

Abner Charles said...

I must add ... Sisters who insist on wearing heels when they obviously can't walk in them ... it happen to me more than once and each time I can't even focus on what the girl is saying to me I have my eyes on her feet struggling causing this weird walk like she's walking on stilts like a circus clown ... thas a deal breaker

Jesus Talks said...

talking bout her ex-man...fuck u go out with me then go back...step

Im just, Im just *Rika* from the Block!!! said...

I have to say deal breakers for me are when guys have ASHY hands...I just cant stand that. I cant even take you seriously when it looks like you've been punching bricks all day...

Also, old/dusty/dirty sneakers...we all have sneakers that have seen better days but we still love them...just dont wear them on a first date...

Paul Cantor said...

1) When a chick texts too much, that's corny. You go on a date to be social with the other person, not your keypad.

2) A chick insinuating or expecting me to pay for everything. I actually don't mind paying for everything (at least on the first date), but don't walk around like it's a requirement, it's actually a privilege.

3) If a chick has hair on her face anywhere, or if her legs or armpits aren't properly groomed, automatic turn-off.

4) If more than 3 mins are spent discussing cell phone service providers, she's a goner.

5) If she says some stupid shit about a guy having to "work for it," or anything insinuating that she's not looking to get busy within the next 2 days of knowing her, I'm like peace see ya later. I may not want "it" that fast or even try to get "it" that fast, but talking about "it" like the pussy is going to elusive is a major turn-off. I'd prefer a chick just shut the f up about it and let the energy of the universe dictate the direction things go in.

fa-yezzey said...

Texting is def a huge turn off. Damn, if you're interested in me, act like it.

I def hate when dudes ask me what I where I want to go or want I want to do and then say shut down all the things I want to do. They won't even get a first date. It should be all about what the lady wants and my suggestions are never wack.

Lastly, I HATE when dudes bad mouth independent chics. I admit some ladies are a little over the top with it. Sure I can get with some Beyonce-Cater-to-You type scenario but if you're looking for a submissive chic, you got the wrong one. While on our first date one loser actually said men and women are not equal in relationships or marriage. WTF?! It's one thing to think dumb shit. It's another to actually say it on a first date. Oh hell naw.

KjB said...

None of you mentioned the "kid factor" yet. Chicks that expect you to take care of their kids or them or both are a real deal breaker if the kids arent yours. Also if they act like they have no time to kick it cuz of their kids but they always make time for an ex/baby daddy or girlfriend then they can get gone in my humble opinion. Last but certainly not least I must cosign Mr Cantor about the chick talkin like your only goal in life is to lay her so you must earn the "privilege" of getting into her cooch is soooo nasty to me.

MeLa said...

When a guy doesn't know where he wants to take you, despite having asked me out a week ago, thats annoying and Strike 1.

Any overtly sexual talk on the first date, strike 2. (particularly if we have no prior friendship/ acquaintance before the first date)

Any WHIFF of right- wing, conservative political leanings and I'm tossing cash for my drink onto the table and chucking the deuces.

.... another one is, i can't tolerate stupidity.

Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

I hate stupid people. Death to them!

Anonymous said...

If she stains the jordan jumpoffs its a wrap....