Tuesday, July 1, 2008

I Hate Cool People (Ways To Know You're Not Cool)

I doubt this is a news flash, but we’re going to be stuck in high school for the rest of our lives.

There will always be cool/popular kids, jocks, nerds, bullies, cheerleaders and the in between people (everybody else). Just look at your job. There’s most likely one person who is the man (cool kid), a person sucking the man’s knee caps (cheerleader), some douche bag pushing his/her weight around (bully), some quiet weirdo(nerd) who won’t bother blending in and everybody else.

Not that I think I deserve a cookie for this (if so, chocolate chip, please), but I never cared about that crap. I allegedly fell into the cool pool back in high school, but it never stopped me from talking to whoever. I’ll always remember one of my friends asking me: “why do you talk to them, they’re not cool?” Phillies won! It’s funny, I haven’t changed a bit and neither have “cool” people. I think I may have mentioned it before, but my friend Janee nailed it. After Nas’ Hip-Hop Is Dead listening session a while back, she said she noticed that writers mingled based on other writers' looks or the outlets they worked for. But since Chase Utley always hits homeruns to put the Phillies on top, I apparently talked to everybody.

Just yesterday, I wondered if wack people knew they sucked penis. Not so much! But interestingly, I don’t think self-proclaimed “cool people” know they’re corny. Here's a little something to help them out.

5. You’re Not Cool… If You Write Blogs About People Not Being Cool: Crrrap! I guess I didn’t make the cut. *Furiously throws mouse at screen*

4.You're Not Cool...If You're Out Of High School And Try To Herb People For Not Being Cool: ...Bitch!

3. You’re Not Cool…If You Wear Colored Contacts, Shades/Scarves Inside Or Scarves With T-Shirts: Those people are criminals as far as I'm concerned. Death to them. Give them the chair.

2. You're Not Cool...If You Brush Your Nose With Your Fingers: I think pimps and cunt muffins do it. They usually slightly brush their nose with their thumb and index right after bragging like it's an exclamation point or something. Like, "you know. I'm doing my thang." [Nose brush] If you ask me, that maneuver is too close to an unorthodox nose pick to be cool.

1.You’re Not Cool If…We Didn’t Tell You: See, Lowkey and Kev Clark always complain, “Carl, you’re too cool.” But they don’t say it because I wear ugly sneakers, they do because I act like the Phillies never lose. I don’t wanna be cool anyway. I brag about being regular all the time. (no cookies please) If you claim cool, you’re a cornball by default. Don't try telling us otherwise, we’ll be the judge.

You know what to do… Oh, and which kid were you in high school?


Anonymous said...

I had no problems being cool! Cause I was a thug... so you had to love me .. OR get CHOKED UP!!! lol

SabaG. said...

I had no problems being cool! Cause I was a thug... so you had to love me .. OR get CHOKED UP!!! lol

Hashim said...

bump being cool. Nerds rule the world.

MeLa said...

Umm... I'm not really sure. My school was kinda different. LOL. It was an 'alternative' school, so we were all misfits. LOL

Among them, there were groups, but I had something in common with all of them. I was a nerdy, artsy, cool bully. LOL

"cool" people suck, though. they usually try so hard.. they're only really cool to each other. they look corny to the rest of us.

Farrah said...

All this talk about cookies and cunt muffins reminds me... You owe me a lunch.

LOL :-)

ChocoDeluxe said...

I was the nerd who somehow was able to get talked to by the cool kids cuz I was smart and they wanted my notes =)

But I also learned that cool kids could be nerds, too! A lot of us took the same classes and graduated with a Regents diploma, and the bonafide nerds co-existed peacefully with the bonafide cool girls (I went to an all-girls HS)...

Janee TMB said...

life is definitely high school, thanks for giving credit where credit was due. did you ever notice some of your best blogs/interviews start off as my ideas??? j/k sorta, but uh yeah you definitely cling to your "regular " tag -- despite being far from it. You're your own person and that's pretty fuckin cool -- I know that's all I try to be is ME...