Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Would You Get Off The Train Already?



I don't like standing on the train, and I hate giving up my seat even more.

The thing is, anybody with gray hair thinks they're owed a seat. Pffttt! No cane, no seat. I know... I'm anal, pause. I'm working on it. I'm working on not letting anybody slide whenever my anal (pause) sense (pause) tingles (pause). During rush hour, if I'm really tired, I'll be that jerk off who contemplates sitting on a big-boned person's lap cause he/she is taking up two spots. Either that, or I'll squeeze in the tiny space and screw face them until they feel bad about taking up too much space. But when seats are up for grabs, I'm racing for one.

The train door opening is very similar to rebounding in basketball. As the train slows down (shot goes up), you step closer, anticipating where the door will stop (get good positioning) and then you box out (then you box out).

I'd be lying if I said I always get a seat. Sometimes, I just get to the scene too late, so I start profiling. I look around and start anticipating who is more likely to get off first. I just look at people thinking, "he can't possibly be getting off at my stop." Back in the Jamaica Queens days, it was white people. Now that I live in Ridgewood, it's black and Chinese people. It works on and off.But sometimes I can't help but think, "you know you live here. Would you get off the train already?" Imagine my surprise when a comedian talked about the same type of profiling during his stand-up routine this past weekend. So I get a feeling some of you do the same thing. Am I wrong?

9 comments:

Im just, Im just *Rika* from the Block!!! said...

Lmfao...Back when I used to write the train with ye common folk, I was the profiler queen...and completely sucked at it!!! lol....I always hovered over the Mexican or one white dude who lived in my neighborhood...I wouldnt end up getting a seat until the train had three stops left...

So glad I drive now...and work from home :-) Now I dont have to box out anyone to get through my bedroom door....

Shaun said...

I actually laughed out loud. And now am in the process of mass producing t-shirts that read, "No cane, no seat!"

ron mexico said...

"no cane, no seat" makes a great t-shirt.

i am always the nigga giving up his seat for an older lady.

i go no cane, no seat for dudes tho.

i don't scheme on seats like an old ass man though. what's goin on, carl? scoliosis actin up?

Farrah said...

That is so funny. I do the same thing.

You ever notice the people who run in the train (without letting anyone off) and make it so obvious that they want a seat. Meanwhile there's like 60 people standing...I mean really if all these people are standing do you think there's a seat in here buddy!

I hope you're not one of those people!! LOL

Anonymous said...

I am at work dyin laughing..this is so funny because it is so true!! I think I've become pretty decent at seat hustlin tho..i ride the green line from the times square area to the bronx, so it's pretty easy to spot the next open spot..(sooo sad but true)..I just stand near all the white professional folk who get off between grand central and 86th (where they can afford to live)! guaranteed to get a seat out of that if you eye it right..a bunch of ppl transfer at 125th, but if you don't grab a seat by then?? it's pretty much a wrap!

Janee TMB said...

This shit is half the reason I left NYC to begin with. Eff the MTA! I am lovin my fresh whip...

g said...

tooo funny.

Naked With Socks On said...

I did this all through college taking the E train. Roosevelt Ave was the guaranteed stop for the Asian and Spanish sector of passengers to get off. I remember one time my homegirl Shelly positioned herself in front of some Asian man before we hit Roosevelt anticipating the seat and homeboy didn't get up. She actually blurted OUT LOUD isn't this your stop. Then embarrassed waddled towards me and buried her face in my chest... ahh, good times

AroundHarlem.com said...

This is HILARIOUS !!!

I do it too .... LOL