Friday, August 29, 2008
I don't love these hoes, but I save them sometimes.
As selfish and indifferent as I can be, I sometimes turn into a good samaritan, even to hoes. I'ma mind your business and don't break up the fight type of dude, but some situations call for an intervention. I'm a part-time hoe savior, but I still need some work. I'm not too good at it. I remember venturing to some random party right after T-Pain's album release last summer. I was over there with my dudes Brent Woodie and Skye.
So at some point, I'm walking by the speakers when this chick sitting on it, grabs me with her legs and pulls me in closer. She hugs me, blurts out something totally incoherent and then tries to kiss me. WTF? You should have seen Brent and Skye's jaws drop. Mind you, I was twisted myself, but not that twisted. She looked pretty good, but I didn't know shorty from a hole in a wall. She was obviously plastered beyond belief and needed to leave the club before some douche got his hands on her. I asked her where her friends were and she clumsily pointed to some bird dancing on a speaker.
Me: Hey, you need to get your friend out of here. She's too wasted. She tried to kiss me just now. Some dudes will take advantage of her.
Bird: I don't even know her like that. She followed us here from the T-Pain party.
I spent the next five minutes trying to convince the girl to leave the club as vultures slowly gathered around waiting for me to finally leave her alone. Then some dude randomly walks over and grabs her hand on some "let's go" ish.
Me: What are you doing?
Me: [Turns To Bird]
Bird: That's my homeboy. He knows her.
Me: [Turns to douche and grabs drunk girl's hand back] What's her name?
Douche: I know her.
Me: Then, what's her name?
Douche: I know her.
I knew he was lying, but for some reason I just stopped trying to save her. I wasn't about to karate kid kick this dude's ass over some chick I didn't know. Perhaps she didn't wanna be saved. Then again, she didn't look too enthused about her new friend. It wasn't surprising to see dude tonguing her by the downstairs bathroom minutes later while some other dude copped a feel. I confronted the bird on the way out, but she was too busy touching her toes for some dude. I failed miserably that one time, but at least I succeeded last night.
I ended up chatting these two chicks up on the way home from my boy J's birthday party. It turns out they lived in my neighbordhood. In this case, they weren't hoes, just very very friendly. So we get to Myrtle/Broadway station and this Jamaican dude asks me, "Can I join in?" It wasn't my place to say yes or no, so I just told dude we just met. Dude gladly stepped in and began his cooch mission. Mind you, he lived at the Myrtle stop, but got on the Ridgewood-bound train with us. The girls eventually got to their stop, hugged me goodbye and shook the other dude's hand. Get this! Dude still got off the train. Thankfully, I took both girls' information when dude started getting weird a few minutes prior. So I called one of them to make sure they were straight and dude was apparently following them home. I stayed on the phone with her until the slime ball left.
This is scary to me, so I can only imagine how you women feel. I guess these types are the reason women are afraid to walk home alone late at night. The bad thing is, these situations will probably never stop happening. The good thing is, it looks like I'm getting the hang of this hoe saving thing.