Monday, August 25, 2008

I Can Beat Usain Bolt

First off, Jamaica stand up!

After missing most of the Athens Olympics, I'm glad I've been able to catch some of this year's Olympiads. I got to see Michael Phelps win his eight medals, saw a little pole vault (pause) and even got to peep the tiny little Chinese gymnists do a few flips. But my favorite part of the games has aways been track and field, the 100 meter dash more specifically.

As Ron Mexico and I were discussing the other day, Jamaica always had the best sprinters. Ben Johnson and Donovan Bailey ran for Canada, but they were both Jamaican-born. I can't help but think us Haitians could also be a force in track and field, but we're too busy playing some other kind of games. Sigh!

Still, Haitians and Jamaicans of my generation have developed a respect and to a point... a camaraderie over the years, so I can't help but sort of feel proud of Usain Bolt's gold medals. I'll tell you what, though. I can beat him. Yup! And of course there's a trick to it. There has to be an MTA train ready to leave at the finish line. I've always been fast. Me and my sister Valerie used to win all race events at our school's Olympics growing up. But for some reason, I become lightning fast when trying to catch a train. I may be the G.O.A.T bus and train catcher. It's gotten to a point where I can hear the train outside, run up the stairs, race to the turnstile, swipe my metro card, run up more stairs and still catch the train.

I can do straight lanes with minor detours too. Back when I lived in Montreal, I was late for school one day and saw the bus drive by the second I opened the door. Mind you, the stop was close to 100 meters from the crib. So I ran to the intersection, turned left, ran a block, busted another left and caught the bus at the following stop. So yeah...Put a train at the finish line and I think I got Usain.

I can't out swim Phelps, though. I can't really swim. I go forward. It's not too aesthetic of a look either. I'm sure some of you are as allegedly delusional as I am? What world class athletes, singers, actors are you better than? LOL


Sweets said...

you LYIN! u can't beat him.

Well, in that case, I can beat those tiny chinese gymnasts you speak of. :)

MeLa said...

i dunno about the Beijing Olympics, but i think I can body those Korean prisoners doing the Thriller dance!

Farrah said...

I don't think I could compete in any of the current sports in the olympics. However, if they added some new shit like...double-dutch or rubberband oh man

Anonymous said...

You wrote this 9 years ago.
Bet you cant beat him now with your old ass �� My boy Chery!

From your boy Qwest
P.S. Ive always been faster then you