I had been working on a turn off blog for a minute, but Army Ans beat me to it not too long ago.
Though I agree that sloppiness, selfishness, excessive make-up, underarm hair, being a cheap skate and smoking are turn offs, body odor and bad breath are the only items Ans and I both listed. You know I'm a particular bastard, so my list is...well, particular. So here it goes. Also, to balance out this entry with some positive, I thought I'd add some unusual turn ons as well.
Colored Contacts: Do I really need to repeat myself? If so, just revisit some of my old contact rants.
Boogers: As mentioned in the “First Date Deal-Breakers” entry. Not a good look.
Gum Poppin': Oh...My...God! I don't hear that noise as much these
days. I’m not talking about blowing Hubba Bubba bubbles, but making small bubbles in your mouth and making them pop. At times, chicks make consecutive pops. Like, pop,pop,pop, pop! Sadly, I’ve seen just as many grown ass women partake in this infraction as little teen rats. Horse gum chewing with your mouth open is also repugnant.
Delusion: I’m sure this one goes for the fellers too. There aren’t too many things more annoying than an ugly chick who swears she's fly. Or even a cute chick who thinks she's gorgeous and keeps bragging about it. There must not be mirrors in some of ya'lls crib. By the way, beauty has never been in the eye of the beholder. Whoever came up with that one must have
been bbbbbbusted! Pardon my niggorance, I just get that anal (pause) sometimes. Delusion just triggers my inner asshole, pause. It just makes me wanna be a jerk off, (no pause) to the (female) culprit.
Sailors: I don't mind cursing when it's occasional and can appreciate it when it's used to emphasize something. But excess is hardly ever cool. So, on that note, be a fucking lady!
Bad Dressers: This one only applies to bad chicks. Cause if you ain't one of them, there probably isn't anything to turn on in the first place. There’s nothing worst than a beautiful woman who can’t dress. I remember going out with this shorty and she kept wearing fur coats, weird shirts, shawls, blankets, table cloths and sorts of tapestry.
Demands: Don’t ask me for nothing. I’m not one of them trick ass suckers. Don’t ask me for drinks. Don’t ask me for gifts. Don't ask me what I drive (metro card). Don’t ask me for hook ups. I always pay for dates, but if you double check, I'm making yo ass go dutch. Wouldn’t you prefer I give you something rather than having to ask for it?
Bird Drawl: Chances are, if you wear contacts and pop your gum, you is a hoodrat and talk
in bird drawl. It's like...they kinda speak from the nose or something and their speech drags. It’s real slow.
Gratuitous Attitude: I've had girls switch they ass or give me the eye-roll like the kid was trying to holla. "Excuse me, I was trying to tell you there's toilet paper stuck on your shoe. Moron!”
Now, for my turn ons...
Slight Overbites: I like a woman with a slight overbite. It’s sexy as hell. Eve and Kelita Smith from The Bernie Mac Show are great examples. I'm not sure, the picture above captures it well, but I remember noticing Eve's overbite when I first met her. The slight overbite, not to be confused with Bug Bunny ass chicklets, usually pushes the upper lip a bit. Seeeeexxxxyy!
Head-To-Toe: I also love when women leave something to the imagination. Now, I’m not gonna cover my eyes if I see cleavage or anything. But if milk did your body good, chances are I’ll still be able to tell if you’re covered from head-to-toe. I’m talking no cleavage and minimal leg exposure.
Soledad O'Brien (CNN)
Business Suits: I see them every morning. Women going to work, looking great in their business attire. Again, it’s not showing much skin. I used to have this thing for Jackie Reid from BET News. I could have been the suit. I have a thing for Soledad O’Brien nowadays. Perhaps, also the suit.
What about you guys? What are your turn offs? What about unusal turn ons?