Monday, August 4, 2008

Ugh! This Is Such A Turn Off!

I had been working on a turn off blog for a minute, but Army Ans beat me to it not too long ago.

Though I agree that sloppiness, selfishness, excessive make-up, underarm hair, being a cheap skate and smoking are turn offs, body odor and bad breath are the only items Ans and I both listed. You know I'm a particular bastard, so my list is...well, particular. So here it goes. Also, to balance out this entry with some positive, I thought I'd add some unusual turn ons as well.

Colored Contacts: Do I really need to repeat myself? If so, just revisit some of my old contact rants.

Boogers: As mentioned in the “First Date Deal-Breakers” entry. Not a good look.

Gum Poppin': Oh...My...God! I don't hear that noise as much these
days. I’m not talking about blowing Hubba Bubba bubbles, but making small bubbles in your mouth and making them pop. At times, chicks make consecutive pops. Like, pop,pop,pop, pop! Sadly, I’ve seen just as many grown ass women partake in this infraction as little teen rats. Horse gum chewing with your mouth open is also repugnant.

Delusion: I’m sure this one goes for the fellers too. There aren’t too many things more annoying than an ugly chick who swears she's fly. Or even a cute chick who thinks she's gorgeous and keeps bragging about it. There must not be mirrors in some of ya'lls crib. By the way, beauty has never been in the eye of the beholder. Whoever came up with that one must have
been bbbbbbusted! Pardon my niggorance, I just get that anal (pause) sometimes. Delusion just triggers my inner asshole, pause. It just makes me wanna be a jerk off, (no pause) to the (female) culprit.

Sailors: I don't mind cursing when it's occasional and can appreciate it when it's used to emphasize something. But excess is hardly ever cool. So, on that note, be a fucking lady!

Bad Dressers: This one only applies to bad chicks. Cause if you ain't one of them, there probably isn't anything to turn on in the first place. There’s nothing worst than a beautiful woman who can’t dress. I remember going out with this shorty and she kept wearing fur coats, weird shirts, shawls, blankets, table cloths and sorts of tapestry.

Demands: Don’t ask me for nothing. I’m not one of them trick ass suckers. Don’t ask me for drinks. Don’t ask me for gifts. Don't ask me what I drive (metro card). Don’t ask me for hook ups. I always pay for dates, but if you double check, I'm making yo ass go dutch. Wouldn’t you prefer I give you something rather than having to ask for it?

Bird Drawl: Chances are, if you wear contacts and pop your gum, you is a hoodrat and talk
in bird drawl. It's like...they kinda speak from the nose or something and their speech drags. It’s real slow.

Gratuitous Attitude: I've had girls switch they ass or give me the eye-roll like the kid was trying to holla. "Excuse me, I was trying to tell you there's toilet paper stuck on your shoe. Moron!”

Now, for my turn ons...

Slight Overbites: I like a woman with a slight overbite. It’s sexy as hell. Eve and Kelita Smith from The Bernie Mac Show are great examples. I'm not sure, the picture above captures it well, but I remember noticing Eve's overbite when I first met her. The slight overbite, not to be confused with Bug Bunny ass chicklets, usually pushes the upper lip a bit. Seeeeexxxxyy!

Head-To-Toe: I also love when women leave something to the imagination. Now, I’m not gonna cover my eyes if I see cleavage or anything. But if milk did your body good, chances are I’ll still be able to tell if you’re covered from head-to-toe. I’m talking no cleavage and minimal leg exposure.

Soledad O'Brien (CNN)

Business Suits: I see them every morning. Women going to work, looking great in their business attire. Again, it’s not showing much skin. I used to have this thing for Jackie Reid from BET News. I could have been the suit. I have a thing for Soledad O’Brien nowadays. Perhaps, also the suit.

What about you guys? What are your turn offs? What about unusal turn ons?


Dove said...

Turn offs:

~Poor table manners. If you eat like a pig, it's an instant deal breaker.

~Clammy/sweaty hands. Either your lacking vitamins or you're a perv. Either way I'm grossed out just thinking about it.

~Too much or cheap cologne. I'm allergic.

Turn ons:

~Men with a gap in their front teeth. Stokely from Mint Condition comes to mind. I'm mad 50 Cent fixed his teeth.

~Subtle, earthy cologne with undertones of vanilla and woodsy things. I could eat you up.

~A man cleaning the house, ironing or doing dishes - preferrably in boxers only.

Naked With Socks On said...

First of all PAUSE, i don't need to know what turns you on.

2nd, I'm with you on false advertisement like contacts etc. Like what do YOU really look like? And if you don't like you why should I? (Of course, that's an over generalization as I've talked to girls with contacts and weaves) but i'm just saying.

3rd, while the gum smackin might be a bit annoying it could make for some strong jaw muscles. I'm just saying... PAUSE

BXS said...

you bugging out fam, Soledad O'Brien is that fly mulatto bitch from heaven.

Fuck it if she hates Black men, so do most Black women.

Clark Kent said...


- Stupidity. I understand not being Einstein and all (definitely not that myself), but if you haven't heard of this guy Obama, by now... Something's a little askew.

- Not Creative. Speaks for itself.
- Wannabe Music Critics. Just because you were raised on booty music and bad gangstas all your life, doesn't give you the right to say that my Coldplay CD is 'for white people.'

- Bad toes. AKA - Crusty Feet... Summer is coming to an end and broads, I'm sorry... ladies must think they can slip. If my upgrade points depend on a shave and a haircut, then baby, I'ma need to see that toe-gloss poppin' all the way through September.

I'll save the turn-ons for the bad ladies who deserve 'em. Good post, Chery...

Rosy said...

Turn offs:

Men wearing sandals outside...can't stand it, i don't care what kind, with or without socks, it's ugly. I'll give you a pass if you're at the beach.

Gold teeth/grillz: DO NOT try to talk to me wearing those...YOU ARE NOT in a rap video...please stop it. Yes it's happened to me once lol

Turn ons:
Muscular it

A man who takes care of his appearance: his hair is right, clean clothes, nice shoes. That doesn't mean he has to spend more time than me in front of the mirror though lol.

KjB said...

Turn offs - Drunkeness or any drug abuse
Hairy arms, lips, cheeks, sideburns
muffin tops, large moles on the face, dry and/or rough skin, bad breath, and belching in a car with the windows closed.

Turn Ons- Curly hair, clothing that looks like she's not an attention whore, glasses, and I think I'm the one man in this world who would rather see a chick in regular bikini type panties rather than a thong.
I wish I could recall her name, but there is a black female reporter on msnbc that is so, so, soooo fly in my opinion due to her sophistication and her looks. Giggadee gigadee!