Thursday, September 18, 2008

If I Was Anslem Samuel...


Hungry "Anslem" Samuel...

First off, if Anslem looked like me, he'd prolly get a lot more hoes, so keeping up with his fast would be the least of his worries. I kid. I kid.

But seriously, if you're not familiar with Anslem, he's one of my co-workers at XXL Magazine. He's also featured in my Funky Blog Roll under nakedwithsockson.com. A little over two weeks ago, Ans announced he'd be fasting for 30 days. Phillies won! To make a long story even longer (Anslem loves to do that), the Naked one, pause, cannot eat, pause, drink water, chew gum or have sex as he fasts for an entire month. I may be getting the details screwed up, so [click here] for accuracy. To make the experience more "epic" as he likes to say, he challenged himself to write 90 blogs in 30 days.

Really? It just can't be that serious. I don't like blogging that freakin' much. I only post entries when they write themselves. So, posting three a day isn't likely. It's not that I don't care, it's that I just don't give a fruck! I thought I blogged about everything, but Ans got me beat, pause. See for yourself.

Day One:

Anslem: I woke up this morning, took a piss and washed my hands.

If I was Anslem: Phillies Won!

Day Six:

Anslem: It was the moment I feared. I haven't had food in days and my stomach is crying.

If I was Anslem[Not In A Blog]: Man, I'm starving. I'm bout to get me some Popeyes.

If I was Anslem, I wouldn't be fasting for no 30 days. I tried fasting for three days last year and cheated all over the freakin' place. Yogurts here, bananas, pause, there. By Day 2, I gave up because the M train stationed at the Myrtle/Broadway stop too long. I just couldn't take the greasy smell, so I got off the train and took my ass to Popeyes.

Speaking of food, I don't always like to share mine. But it's fun to do bad things, so I've been trying to get Anslem to cheat, pause, by offering him water, gum and even volunteering to pay for his lunch. Who knows if he's keeping it funky, though. Sure, he walks by my cubicle munching on some clove (ewwww, Ans, not Illll), but what does he do when nobody's around? Phillies won, but I'm just saying. By the way, by the time I'm done writing this sentence, I will have completed my own little challenge: 90 words in 30 seconds...96 to be exact.

So, when you're done laughing at one of my hilarious posts, go down (pause for the dudes) to my Funky Blog Roll and check out Ans' blog for some good ole mushy TMI action. But seriously, check him out. I'm sure you'll appreciate some of his posts. If you don't, offer him a sandwich or something. [SMILEY!]

22 comments:

Dove said...

This is mean. I love it.
Anslem will get you back.

How did you find a pic of Anslem that looks like the pic in your blog though? It's like you're smiling at the exact same person/thing/thought...

The Modest Bastard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Modest Bastard said...

HD, you is a fuol.

Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

It's not mean, Dove. It's all love. Ans doesn't care as long as he gets the links. PLus, he already dissed me in one of his posts...so he claims. No blog wars, though. That's for nerds.

Jesus Talks said...

dude you shoulda done 91 words in 30 seconds as we discussed...but Ans knows this is all in fun...BTW Phillies won on this post...HA

FlyGirl said...

Blog wars!!! Blog wars!!!

Ron Mexico said...

the phillies stay winning. damn, son.

Naked With Socks On said...

IF I WAS CARL CHERY (PAUSE ON THE SURNAME)....

I would have a crush on me, too, which this post clearly reveals. WOW! I'm really flattered, dude. But unfortunately, I don't swing that way. I understand who you are and I'm proud of you to be so comfortable in your skin. You're.. you know, and not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not gonna happen.

I thought the pictures of me on your desk were odd, but I shrugged it off. Nah, not lil CC. But this digital PDA is a bit much, dude. But I totally understand, I mean, look at me (just like your profile pic is doing) I can't blame you for being mesmerized, but again, I like women so it's just can't happen.

Now I know this is going to make things awkward for you when you get in the office, so just keep your chin up (pause). I know it hurts but rejection happens to the best of us-for people named Carl, maybe a little more, but that's okay. I know there's a good guy for you out there somewhere. Just keep trying, okay.

I didn't want this to come to it, but I already filed restraining orders with HR. They'll come with today's paycheck (pause). As part of your recovery they've asked that you sign up for office stalker recovery program. I hope that your readers can support you during this tough time. if not they can go to NakedWithSocksOn.blogspot.com for the 90 blogs in 30 days marathon, which is on day 18, so all of them can come to a nice heterosexual blog for a change of scenery from this debacle of a homopage, i mean homepage... LOL

danappyscribe said...

man, that myrtle/bway stop has been the death of at least 2 of my attempts of fasting!

Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

Ha! Almost funny, dude.But you should have wrote something people were likely to believe. Your comment, not so much.

Farrah said...

I believe him!!

brian b.dot miller said...

fuck anslem samuel!.

Kim said...

is he gonna brush his teeth during this fast? cuz his breath is gonna be burning....yuk. does the fast include gum? ewwww.

what happened to his dreads? yes, i've been living under a rock

Rob said...

Damn BDot?!? How quick they change. I actually feel bad for anslem when I come through the next cubicle with my lunch... even though I'm thinking about getting some Boston market today, so i guess i dont feel that bad.

Gangstarr Girl said...

I can't believe you posted this blog. The pics of you guys are hilarious. But I really can't believe you actually posted this blog. Did I mention I can't believe you posted this blog? LMAO. *DEAD*

MikeD said...

Damn Ans! That comment was longer than Carl's whole post. I took a 5 minute nap after the second paragraph but I'm sure you made numerous, big worded points.

Naked With Socks On said...

blah, blah, blah

You realize Carl's ploy. Make himself famous by attacking me. He thinks he's the 50 of this blog ish.

But to answer the lady down in front, nah no gum that's where the cloves come in they're a natural breath freshner. And Carl misconstrued some of the facts, I can eat and drink just NOT when the sun is up. So have to wake up at 5:30 to eat before sunrise and then can't eat or drink till sunset, which is about 7

pfff

What do the Phillies have to do with this? Obviously, I rarely visit this place

B.Scully said...

LMAO!! Between the blog post and the comments I dont know where to start commenting.. hilarious

Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

Damn, Stank Mouth! You obviously need to work on your jabs.

I wrote, "I may be getting the details screwed up, so [click here] for accuracy" in my post. So why would you bring it up again. By the way, I'm not famous and neither are you, so me using you for shine makes no sense. The hunger must be getting to your brain. You not thinking clearly with all them snoring ass comments.

Carl 4
Anslem -0
Phillies Won!

Dove said...

oh lord... lol

Janee TMB said...

OMG. I can't breathe... OH SHIT. Now this is a blog masterpiece and yes the comments go a looooong way.

The Cocoa Luv Chronicles said...

That is the funniest. So you were the person harassing my poor friend. Lol. Oh yea I found your blog late.

Miss Cocoa