Tuesday, September 23, 2008

"Let's Do Lunch"

[Blogger's note: This one is for all my industry folks, but I hope the rest of ya'll enjoy it too.]

I realized something while discussing industry dating with my homegirl earlier today. I have never we should do lunch-ed somebody. And I'm sure glad I haven't.

For the record, the following only applies to new industry acquaintances. Asking a woman you just met to lunch seems to be the new let's go out on a date (for losers). Just like let me get your business card is the old I got that girl's number (for losers). I personally don't date industry women. Some of them are pretty bad, I've had opportunities and I've been tempted, but I just don't wanna go there. It just seems like a freakin' headache. Could it be a coincidence that I don't date industry women and have yet to "innocently" tell an industry chick we should lunch? Me think not.

One one of my homegirls told me she never picked up the check after a lunch. Sounds like a dating rule to me. First they pick up the bill, next thing you know they're texting you at borderline booty call hours. And to think it all started under the pretense of a business meeting. What's wack is that some dudes seem to be purposely blurring the lines, so they can fall back and pull the business card (no pun intended) should the girl bring up boundaries. I ain't trying to holler, we just chopping it up. Something of that nature.

Take this writer I know for example. She met this DJ and eventually had lunch with him. He picked up the tab of course. Anyway, the DJ soon began texting her increasingly. It eventually got out of hand, so she told dude it was inappropriate for him to text so frequently because she was seeing somone. Now, the DJ did compliment her looks and all, bur he never made a clear play. He could easily pull a My bad, I thought we was cool. Even worse, the next time he's with the homies, he may just bad mouth shorty to save face, talking about, Yo, that girl came out her face and made it seem like I wanted to holler. We only had lunch and shit.

So ladies, have business lunches with men become dates of sorts? Take the writer for example. Having been in similar scenarios before, should she have known this case would be no different? If so, was she wrong for bringing up the relationship when she agreed to lunch that she knew may have been construed as a date in the first place? I can actually relate, though. If an industry girl invites me to lunch (her ass is definitely paying for that burger) or wants to hang out, I also won't assume she wants to date.

Well, I don't date in the industry, but I'm sure some of you do? If so, how was the experience? Would you do it again? Don't be scared. You can be anonymous. Feel free to discuss all of the above.


Dove said...

My rule: Whoever does the asking pays the bill. On occasion I've asked someone to "do lunch" purely for business reasons, and they paid the bill. I never took it any kind of way, but then again there are very few industry guys I really think are my type. Like maybe 3 or 4.
I think paying for the lunch is often more of a subtle power play than a come on. I also think some people think that if they buy you lunch they can ask you for more favors, not necessarily related to dating of any kind. God bless the industry.

Janee TMB said...

You never want to pay for shit anyway. Cheap ass! But back to the topic at hand, I'm with Dove -- if you ask me, you pay. Personally I always feel uncomfortable offering to pay. Have you always picked random pictures to go with your blogs or is that something new? I never noticed it before.

TastyKeish said...

I agree, whoever does the asking should pay. Obviously the asker has an agenda. Its up to the other person to draw the line, because you know and I know what the meeting is about 30seconds in...Personally, it only takes me 15 seconds to know if i'm f-ing and 15 seconds more to know if I want some extra sh-t...

FlyGirl said...

A lot of dudes use the business angle as an opportunity to get close, but it is our responsibility as females who want to be taken seriously in our professions to not fall for the bullshit. A dude can use whatever tactic he wants to try to holla, but at the end of the day he's only going to be able to do what we let him get away with. And if I get some free food out of the situation... well that's their problem LOL

Naked With Socks On said...

I agree with Janee.

1) You are cheap.

2) You are jockin my style, jockin, jockin my style with the pics


Nah, but seriously. The rule is the publicist pays, durr

But if you're the editor and it's a writer then you pay , cause you know you expensing that shit anyway

Adam Bernard said...

I think everyone is in agreement that the person who says "let's do lunch" does the paying, especially if that person is working at a company where he/she can expense it.

Doing lunch is a time honored tradition that involves finding out more about a person's gig to see what you can both get out of furthering a working relationship. I've also fostered some pretty close friendships with folks this way as some industry people can be pretty cool OUTSIDE of work.

Doing lunch is NOT dating. If it is I've gone out with a lot of married women.

Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

1) I bet you ain't cheap at all. You strike me as the type that buys girls lot of drinks and watches them leave with other dudes.

2)The "LOL" doesn't fool me, Anslem. Sadly, you're probably dead serious. Your delusional ass, pause, probably thinks you were the first to put pics on blogs. You probably think you invented the wheel and the remix too.

3)The payment arrangement seems clear. But I'm really curious to know more about the "business lunches." Was the writer wrong for bringing up her relationship?

Yea yea said...

I think its tricky because on one hand, you agree to a business lunch with a dude, who's probably feeling you on more than the friendly tip, but on the other, if you make it clear that you don't date in the industry, the guy could take it as a personal insult, and then boom there goes a potential business relationship down the drain, because you couldn't let the poor guy down easy.

Dove said...

The people in that photo look WAY too happy to be having a business lunch...

SabaG. said...

Oh Man > I gotta love you for this blog. I mean , im not going to lie. Every "business dinner" i have been on with an artist has had a motive one way or another! I love to eat and he wants and interview or write up . He is paying! No if ands or buts.
I don't advise dating industry people cause you will end up with 2 conclusions about your mate
1) They like MEN on the DL !( aint nothing wrong with being gay, I am from San Francisco , but uh not with me)
2) The guy has a chick in every damn city who is a "Friend" PAUSE! ( FRIENDS ARE NOT EXEMPT FROM SPREADING ALL TYPE AIRBORNE SICKNESSES AND STD'S)

I just avoid business lunches, just so I dont spoil the relationship with my nasty shanaynay if a guy decides to take it there.I'll pass, I'd rather a chiropracter pick up the tab!