Sunday, October 19, 2008

I'm Over My Ex, But...

This happened to me a while back, but my homie brought it up not too long ago.

"Has one of your exes ever gotten married?" he asked. "It messes with your head," I immediately replied. His thoughts exactly. A few years back, my sister told me one of my ex girlfriends stopped by her job and revealed her engagement to some dude. I was happy for her, but it felt a bit weird.

At the time, I couldn't put my finger on it. It's not that I wasn't over her. I mean, looking back at the relationship, I made bad decisions, but my mindset has changed since then. I was the breaker, so it wasn't about feeling replaced by the next man. I think I was going through more of a "what if" moment. What if I didn't break up with her? We may have been married by now. Kids? Who knows. Maybe it's a reminder of a path you nearly escaped or missed out on depending on your current page. That feeling is long gone now.

On the flip side, another ex of mine told me some dude she was seeing for only a few months proposed, last year. Only this time, I didn't start pondering on lost possibilities. Perhaps because in this instance, the only bad decision I made was to not break up with her earlier. We weren't even on good terms when she broke the news. Still, I wished her the best and kept it moving. But women being women, she later shared her discontent with me being happy for her rather than jealous. Sidebar: They never got married.

Other than that, this girl I used to mess with now has a daughter. We never were in an actual relationship, but the time frame between her getting pregnant and us fooling around was somewhat close. So that kinda hit me. When they found out, my boys Ed and Fred started teasing me about the kid being mine. But before you jump on their bandwagon, know we never had any close calls so...

What about you guys? Ever learned about an ex getting married, having kids and being like, "Damn!" Why do we care what our 5, 7 year-old exes do?


Anonymous said...

I think it's like you said and we for some reason get caught in the "what if". I actually had a god friend of mine (and ex) get married earlier this year and though I was invited to all the pre-wedding festivities (bc he wanted me there), it was clear from the get go that I was NOT invited to the wedding. Kind of fucked me up a bit...went through a long period of whatifism but at the end of the day I know that it would have never been me walking down that isle. We're still friends, it's a little different now..but I was never the one. His wife is an amazing woman.

Marvelous Mo said...

I had a high school sweet heart back in the day. He was so in love with me and I was so far from that. We broke up and then dated again when I went to college and that was when he took my virginity. But when we dated in college he talked about having kids and wanting me to move in with him. I had to tell boy boy to slow his roll.

I kicked him to the curb because he pissed me off and I don't regret it, but that damn facebook did the meanest "what if" on me. Like I said, I chucked the duces on dude with no regrets but Facebook allowed me to see his daughter and the mother of his child as they live in Hawaii. That was THE weirdest thing on the planet. I find my ex repulsive but I planted my face on his B.M. and didn't like that "family" look.

What if I stayed with that doofus? I'd be barefoot and pregnant somewhere in his house. No bueno. I'm happy for him though, without a doubt. I'm thankful I wasn't caught up in that kind of life.

Anonymous said...

"What if?" and "Why?" are the worst and most haunting questions we could ask ourselves. All I'm sayin is that I better not get any calls from Maury's show talking about some girl thinks I'm her child's father!
I know, I'm late on this topic. Ma bad.

Anonymous said...

Thanks a lot for your advice guys, it helped me a lot, I went to and followed their step by step instructions and it worked perfectly, now me and my girlfriend are back together.