Monday, December 15, 2008

Santa Claus Is A Douchebag...And A Pervert



I wish you guys were with me Saturday afternoon, cause there's no way I'll ever be able to accurately describe what went down.

The L train has never been so rowdy. I was on there trying to write a little something via blackberry on the way home, but couldn't focus because some high school kids were louder than usual. I tried my best to ignore it at first, but then I noticed some old dude acting a monkey in front of the kids. The primate in question was some old dude wearing a Santa hat. The guy was walking around the train playing christmas carols with his hypeman taking requests. The craziest thing was that I don't even think he was playing for money. Dude was just being messy, playing way off key and mumbling some nonsense.



Just when I thought the circus closed and tried going back to my business, I heard some loud screams. Imagine my surprise when I saw Santa Douche pressing up on the kids -demanding a kiss from one of the girls. It was nuts! One in particular was borderline laughing and crying. The scene was a damn mess. Santa was going up and down the car playing Sax while his hypeman filmed him. At one point, he even gave this little girl his camera so she could film the scene. To top it all off, I asked this weirdo sitting next to me what was wrong with Santa and noticed that she had a gum ring. Yes! You've heard right, her gum, meaning the tissue that surrounds the necks of teeth and covers the alveolar parts of the jaws, had a freaking piercing in it.

Anyway, don't ever trust a grown man with a Santa hat and don't let your kids sit on their lap either. It's just too close to his saxophone.

5 comments:

Dove said...

Sounds exotic...

DJ Daddy Mack said...

that is nyc for u, b.

JOY said...

lmao this is hilarious

martine said...

omg, can i say "only in new york" lmao

LadyDee - Brownlady Beautiful! said...

The explanation of the gums had me ROLLING on the damn floor! Love it.