Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Beauty Scale: Beauty & the Busted


Paula Patton Thicke Chery...

Men have contributed to women's delusions of beauty as much as their insecurities.

I vividly remember riding the F train back in the Jamaica Queens days and seeing some Micky D's After Dark dweller sweating this chick on the train. She was no looker, trust. In fact, she was pretty busted. Like, way below average. The thing is, she had A Phat Arssss! You swore I was watching a thriller the way I sat back, stared and refused to look away.

As busted as she was, shorty was feeling herself and totally ignored dude's "courting." Feeling rejected, the dude proceeded to, what else, insult her. "Damn, miss! I know I'm ugly, but you're ugly too." He was dead on. Momentarily breaking from my "I don't know you so I mind my business" ways, I offered some words of funkydom.

Carl: Dude, if you thought she was busted, you should have left her alone.

Dude: I know, son. I know.

Carl: Shorty's busted, but she's running around thinking she's bad cause dudes are gassing her up.

Dude: You right, son.

Pftttt! This douchehole probably tried the same thing with the next girl the second I got off the train. Now, I'm not saying women or men for that matter shouldn't be confident and have high self-esteem. But don't just tell a girl you don't think is pretty she is just because she got a bubble and all you really wanna do is grab it. That just ain't right.

I know I'm a killjoy, but it's fun for me. I'm pretty petty, picky and particular. [Blogger's Note: If anybody knows a gym where I can box against Mark, holler! We've been cyber feuding over Freida Pinto. Hey Mark, Shotgun!!!] But yeah, some folks refer to women they find attractive as cute no matter what. Me and Sam please say the Ed were just debating on this. A woman can be considered bad whether she's cute, pretty or gorgeous. Bad references the whole package, face, body, sex appeal, sense of style, etc. We did disagree on Keri Hilson, though. While I find her to be a low end cutie, Sam Ed considers her high-end— a bad one. I pretty much go by the quasi universal scale...Cute > Pretty > Beautiful...Sexiness not included, strictly faces.


New York...

Ugly/Busted/Hurt: Facially challenged. Rating: 0-4 Wifeability: 5%...Men are monsters. As previously mentioned, a donky goes a long way. Plus, Yeezy said it best: "Henny make girls look like Halle Berry to me." Under the wrong influence, dudes may do what they have to do and not tell their friends about it.


Michelle Williams...

Average/Aight/Cool/Ok: Ehhhhhh! Rating: 5-6 Wifeability: 50%...Beauty is subjective of course. Depending on the beholder, an average looking woman can be perceived as cute or ugly.


Amerie...

Cute: This is when grades get curved. Again, we all have different standards. One man's cutie is the next man's gorgeous. Pretty girls sometimes fall under cute when too young looking. Rating: 7-8 Wifeability: 80%...Must wife if she has it all together.


Lauren London...

Pretty: A certain je ne sais quoi sets them apart from the cuties. Teeth, eyes, skin tone, whatever. Rating: 8.5-9 Wifeability: 90%Unless she's crazy, you better wife it.



Beautiful/Gorgeous: Dime! Top of the food chain. Near flawlessness in some cases. Rating: 9.5 Wifeability: 95%...Wife it even if she's crazy. Well, maybe not. Still, gorgeous women get away with murder, mainly ditzism, imbecility and bitchiness.

Notice, even dimes don't get the 10. There's no such thing as perfection, but there is a penthouse. Every now and then you see a woman and just can't get over how good she looks. See Paula Patton Chery. She's like extra gorgeous— breath taking, but no need to add an additional marker. As far as sexiness, it doesn't always go hand in hand with good looks so I didn't bother. Go ahead and share your thoughts in the comment section. Now, I know better than to ask you ladies where you think you fall on the scale. You'll prolly pull a "Do You Think You're Funny" blog and all say you're gorgeous. Hey! I respect it! And compliments are great. Just know you don't need a damn man to make you feel that way.

PS: Don't take these blogs too seriously, 'cause I sure don't.

15 comments:

MeLa Machinko said...

LOL....

Based on ur examples and how u rate them, all i can say is, if i were a dude and hung out w/ u, we wouldn't have any issues fighting over girls. LOL

All i hafta say is, why couldn't the ugly girl just not have wanted to talk? why did she have to 'think she was hotter then she was'? See THATS yall damn prollem. The world don't revolve around YALL negros!

:).. that is all.

Professor Ice said...

Sooooo, wifeability is strictly based on looks and sanity??...
Alllllrighty then...

Whoever said men were hard to please? Be a 7-9 and not too crazy (and a fat ass will def seal the deal) and heeeellllooo wifery!

Carl you need to write a book!

Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

LMAO! Mela,you right. The ugly girl didn't wanna talk. But guess what, she was feeling her ugly self too. I was there. You would have said the same thing. Trust! Ice, we're talking about a shallow scale here. Of course, wifeability isn't soly based on looks, but dudes will more strongly consider it when the chick is bad. I've been guilty of it myself.

Abner Charles said...

You guys need to box in the street
and the loser gets Kim Kardashian
LOL

Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

Nah, Ab. Kim K is mine too. I don't share. Yuh!

Assertive Wit said...

I wish looks weren't so important but when I see guys put up with crazy bitches who have threatened to kill them, actually called the police on them, performed some kind of vandalism on that man's belongings, etc. only to find out (in his mind) she's a dime piece to him, I am further assured that men can sometimes be shallower than should be allowed.

Funny, none of your examples even had your skin color...hmmmmm

Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

Oh come on, Assertive Wit! We won't have any of this here. I ain't about to gove the "some of my friends are black" excuse either. Ya'll know my personal G.O.A.T.

Assertive Wit said...

and she is pretty but you're still fired for this foolishness LOL

ron mexico said...

lmao @ the convo. "i know, son."
some serious young buck "confused" shit right there.

you trippin. keri hilson is the bizzle, my nizzle.

www.myspace.com/matou1881 said...

I'm gonna agree on with Assertive wit with the wondering of why none of the chicks you ever talk about are CHOCOLATE!!! I just didn't wanna be the first one to say it, Lol... *frowning at the screen*
And Carl I'm sorry to say but that Patton Thick Chick is not ALL THAT.... Now Lauren London, YES...

Matou said...

I'm gonna agree on with Assertive wit with the wondering of why none of the chicks you ever talk about are CHOCOLATE!!! I just didn't wanna be the first one to say it, Lol... *frowning at the screen*
And Carl I'm sorry to say but that Patton Thick Chick is not ALL THAT.... Now Lauren London, YES...
And No i'm not hatin', Lol... s*till frowning at the screen*

Jackpot aka H.D. aka Desckabaisses said...

I should have listened to Sam Ed and put a picture of Kelly Rowland just to shut you guys up.

Assertive Wit, as you have acknowledged, Nia Long, my personal G.O.A.T is not light skin, but please respect the scale. She's beyound pretty.

Matou, how you gon sit back, laugh and let them talk about your cousin like that without defending his honor. Sniff, sniff!

Now Mexico. I thought we were friends, but now you're clearly trying to get the ladies on your side. How dare you speak on my current wife Paula Patton Thicke Chery this way in public and then big up Keri Hilson's colored contact wearing ass. I challenge you to a duel old school style. Weapon of choice? The good ole pistol. We'll start back to back then take steps forward at which point one of my relatives will scream "DRAW!" giving us the green light to commence the shooting. May the more ressourceful man win.

Jesus Talks said...

this post is definitely a "beauty is the eye of the beholder" post. props on giving advice to the random dude...even though he will remain to blinded by T&A

Joe D. said...

Paula Patton is not overrated. . .at least not in the looks dept.