Thursday, February 26, 2009

Fashionable People Can't Dress...

Taz Arnold...

Most of you guys already know about my anti-fancy ways.

Here's some advice. If we're hanging out, don't waste your time pointing out this hot trendy [insert obscure supposed to be cool brand here] so so is wearing. I could give a fack! When it comes to clothes, I keeps it pretty simple. Jeans, sneakers, timbs, button down (or up) shirts, polos, sweaters and cardigans. No fur, no pink, no purple, no fuchsia, no turquoise, no lime green, no yellow, no extra zippers, strings or pockets. I like it nice and plain.

That probably doesn't make me too fashionable, let alone trendy, though. And that's just fine, cause so called "fashionable" people always seem to have some weird crap on to me. I remember back when Eve was considered somewhat of a fashionista. I never quite understood what the fuss was about. Look at Kanye. Dude pretty much looks like a moron nowadays and don't even get me started on Taz Arnold. That dude could be the absolute W.O.A.T (worst of all time) when it comes to clothes. He's at least bottom 5 dead or alive. I think everybody pretty much think they're fly, though. I guess they wouldn't wear the damn things if they didn't like them.

Taz Arnold...

But there are some good dressers out there. I won't be no homo-ing about this, but as much as he gets on my nerves, Puffy wears the hell out of a white T. He's a great dresser. Jamie Foxx and Will Smith are fly too. As for the fly women, there are just too many to name. I don't think one stands out in particular, though.

What do you guys think? Who are some of the flyest folks out there.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Here's The Sureshot Way To Win An Oscar...

Phillipe Pettit...

I know many of you probably think the Oscars are long and boring, but I didn't mind last night's show for some reason.

I watched the entire event without touching the remote much and actually laughed a few times. Tina Fey and Steve Martin killed it, I loved Phillipe Pettit, the French guy balancing his Oscar on his chin and loved anything involving a Slumdog Millionaire win or performance. Mumbai stand up! I did notice three patterns, though. If some of you are aspiring thespians and hope to deliver an acceptance speech one day, I think I have a few suggestions.

Play Gay: Sean Penn won Best Actor for playing a fa'nook, not that there's anything wrong with that, last night. Heath Ledger and Jake Gylenhall were nominated for Brokeback Mountain, Greg Kinnear for As Good As It Gets and Tom Hanks won for playing a gay guy in Philadelphia a while back. I've never seen Capote, but judging from the clips I've seen I'm thinking he was gay and Phillipe Seymour Hoffman won for that. Play gay, you'll win, if not you'll get nominated.

Play Real: Folks also seem to win or get nominated for portraying real people. Sean Penn (Milk), Jamie Foxx (Ray), Will Smith (Ali & The Pursuit Of Happyness), Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon), Forest Whitaker (The Last King Of Scotland), Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Capote), Joaquin Phoenix (Walk the Line), etc, etc.

Don't Speak English: Or don't be American. At least in this day and age. Kate Winslet won Best Actress, she's from the UK. Penelope Cruz won Best Supporting Actress, she can't speak English. Ledger's Australian. Off the top, Sean Penn may have been the only American to win something last night. Don't even get me started on all the other winners. Most of them bordeline needed interpretors. Last year Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men), Tilda Swinton (Michael Clayton) Marion Cottilard (Mome La) and Daniel Day Lewis (There Will Be Blood) won top honors. That's one Spaniard, a French and two Brits, respectively. By the way, the Brits are just killing the game right now.

I initially was gonna add "Don't Be Black," but it's been better for us the last few years. Taraji P. Henson and Viola Davis were nominated this year. I think they give us one or two nods here and there now just to shut us up. But we still have a shot if we play a real person like Jamie Foxx and Forest Whitaker did.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Dating In The Recession...Not A Good Look

For some reason these layoffs never cease to shock me.

I mean, I always anticipate more blood, but then I hear about so and so getting let go and it's like, DAMN! It even happened today. I've kinda come to terms with the climate, though. At this point, the only thing we can do is do our jobs and save for rainy days. I myself have turned into Super Scrooge in the past month.

I've cut down on going out and I pretty much bring my lunch into work everyday. I'm no Top Chef, but I have been cooking rather than eating out. I also try to keep my fridge full, so there aren't any late night snack trips to the store anymore. Plus I have this thing where I go to the ATM every Sunday, take out $20 and force myself to live on the Andrew Jackson through the week. It's actually not that hard. But with all this cutting back, dating's hardly been a priority.

Me and the homie Ans over at were just talking about it earlier today. The thing is, I don't think any of us wanna stop dating just because the economy's in the crapper. I mean, catching a movie here and there ain't too costly, but then you don't really get to talk. And unless we're talking jump offs, ain't no way the first date's gonna take place at your crib. On one hand, I'm thinking the climate will force us to come up with more creative dates, which will surely please the romantic types. On the flip side, I'm sure some chicks don't give a flying fack about your pockets and will be expecting the customary dinner and a movie, movie and drinks, drinks and dinner or whatever guys do nowadays. I'm not saying dinner's out of the question, I'm saying it's just isn't a good look for it to happen too often. That stuff piles up, you know? I personally may have to start putting my job perks to use.

What about you fellers? Has the recession changed your dating habits? If so, how so? Ladies, what's your take on this. If things keep up any longer I may start posting less relationship-related content on here. I won't have anywhere to draw inspiration from.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

You Can't Be That Busy...

I'm pretty lazy in some regards, so one of my favorite things to do is absolutely nothing.

You guys will never understand the satisfaction I get by staying home and watch movies, surf the internet for hours or just stare at the walls. I just love it. I'd love to be able to respond, "nothing" whenever folks ask me what I'm doing, but I can't. For some reason, people think being busy is cool. I guess they think free time makes them look like losers or something, like they have no life.

Being busy is like a bragging right now, it's not even a complaint anymore. Well, let me be the first to tell some of you, ya'll can't be that busy. And this doesn't only apply to romantic rapports, I get the feeling some dudes purposely respond slowly to create the "I'm busy" effect, which is pretty gay if you ask me, not that there's anything wrong with that. Granted, the phone isn't always next to us and you could also be in the bathroom, on a plane, at the movies, sleeping, in class, at work, on the train, on the phone, reading my blog, etc, etc. They could also be multitexting. There are exceptions of course. But I've seen people just look through text messages, put the phone down and then start typing away later. Let's be clear, I'm talking after work hours here. I'll be the first ignore your ass if I'm overwhelmed with work. Then again, if I'm not busy there's a good chance I'm deliberately ignoring you too.

In my case, I'm pretty frequent distracted, so if I'm off and I don't quickly respond, just blame it on the ADD. Other than that, I don't care how it makes me look, if I see the text, I hit you right back. Now, I admit that I've gotten caught up in the game before. Some of my homies and I had similar experiences a while back. The girls we were talking to would take the longest to text back, so we'd play right along and take lengthy breaks between texts. Pretty lame I know. My gut tells me we simply weren't option no.1, but who knows. I'm the wrong one to play the game, though. I'll mess around and stop texting all together. The funny thing is, once you start ignoring slow texters, next thing you know they're double texting you like, "why are you ignoring me?" which proves they were playing a game in the first place. I snapped out of it, though. You hit me, I hit you back. No thirst involved, that's just how it should be. I wish I could plead for those kind of games to stop, but I'd be wasting keystrokes.

What about you guys? Ever been through a similar situation? And don't tell me I should just call instead of texting. I'm too busy for that. :)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I'm Kinda Antisocial

You wouldn't be able to tell by seeing me interacting with people I already know, but I can be kind of antisocial.

It's not that I dislike people in general, sometimes I just don't wanna pause my iPod (especially not Erykah Badu) for an awkward conversation. I think it's a comfort thing. I don't feel like having to think about my next sentence. It isn't unusual for me to see someone I know and keep it moving cause I'm in the middle of listening to some Phill Collins. If we're cool, I'll probably go out of my way to speak to you, scream over commuters' heads to get your attention or sneak up on you to catch you off guard. Granted, I'm a space cadet, so I may have genuinely not seen you. But it's also likely that I've absolutely ignored you.

I actually go to work-related functions sometimes and take advantage of anybody who doesn't recognize me. Instead of re-introducing myself, I usually just lay low and chill. The bad thing about my antisocialism tendencies is that I've never been good at being at the receiving end of it. My thing is, I'm not asking for a full blown conversation, just acknowledge a brother, salute me, head nod or something.

There have been a few episodes in which a person, who so happens to be cool with a mutual friend of ours, totally ignores me. Since I recognized them, I expected to look familiar as well. Apparently not. My initial reaction was, man, he/she's hollywood. I get a bad vibe from that person. I do always give them the benefit of the doubt. I figured that if my peoples were their peoples, the alleged snob in question must be cool peoples. I remember asking my homie about a particular person one time. "Is he cool?" I asked. My boy actually made me realize: "Maybe he thinks you're ignoring him too." He had a point. After all, I forget faces from time to time to time to time. What's worse is that I try to act like I remember them- hoping that something will trigger my memory by the end of the conversation. So the next time I saw the person in question, I made a point to say what's up. It turns out, my greeting was welcomed. I later
eventually got cool with several other "antisocial" folks. I even had to come clean and tell them, "You know, I thought you may have been a bit funny style, but you're cool as hell. My apologies." I'll never make a fuss about being ignored ever again. Every now and then, I write something off the wall like profiling train riders and surprisingly find out some of you think the exact same way. I have a feeling, this isn't one of those blogs.

What about you guys? Do you have antisocial ways? Do you on occasion see someone and purposely ignore them. Well, I have. And I've learned my lesson. I'll probably keep ignoring people when I don't feel like interrupting my Ryan Leslie. I just won't get mad when they ignore me back.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Everybody's Haitian...Will Smith & LL Cool J Too...

You "my family's not from here" people will surely appreciate this, especially Haitians.

I always tell people, there's literally a pre and post-Wyclef Haiti in the U.S. I can't stand that bloodclot Jafaikan accent of his, but at the end of the day the man wore the Haitian flag as a freaking cape at the American Music Awards...Or was it the Grammys. Forget Jean-Bertrand Aristide or Michele Pierre-Louis, Clef is our prime minister. See, before Clef Haitians used to keep their nationality on the low. Those who don't rep the flag usually get claimed anyway. Haitians are especially over the top with the draft. The second your name easily translates into french, you're one of us.

I grew up thinking all types of people were Big Daddy Kane. Come to find out his real name is Antonio Hardy...Not so much. To this day my brother says Ralph Tresvant is Haitian (well, he is from Boston) and you done know we claim Sydney Poitier, but he's actually bahamian. But here's the punchline. Not too long ago, I went to get a cut and my barber was babbling about Will Smith and Danny Glover being haitian. Listen, I'm an unapologetic Will Smith stan. I even have a separate Will Smith, Spike Lee and Eddie Murphy DVD section at the crib. But there's no way Will is Haitian. I appreciate everything Danny Glover has done for Haiti, but dude is American.

The funny thing is they don't always claim my ass. I usually get mistaken for being Trini or Jamaican. The OGs always know, though. They just run up on me and start speaking creole. This dude came up to me one time and started telling me all about how LL Cool J is Haitian. Another Haitian Smith? Usher is apparently one of us, but I don't claim him. Not until I hear it from the man himself. Here's a list of confirmed and alleged Haitians.

PS: Until I hear Usher acknowledge it with my own ears, his Haitian descent is just a rumor.

Confirmed: Wyclef Jean, Garcelle Beauvais, Dave from De La Soul, Chopper from Making The Band (Fack!), Pastor Troy, Jacki-O, Lela Rochon, Maxwell, W.E.B. Dubois, Jamie Hector, Tony Yayo, Gary Dourdan, DJ Whoo Kid, Mario Elie, Samuel Dalembert, etc.

Alleged Haitians: Rick Ross (Don't believe wikipedia. I asked him my damn self and he said no. YES!), Ralph Tresvant, Lauryn Hill, Usher, DJ Paul aka Paul Bauregard of Three Six Mafia, (I aksed him. He said no.) Sydney Poitier, Lil Wayne, Any Person With A French Sounding Name Or A First Name As A Last Name...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

"25 Random Things I Don't Wanna Know About Yo Ass...

I don't know who started this, but there's this new thing on facebook where people tag you in a note and tell you 25 things about themselves. Phillies won!

Apparently, whoever gets tagged is supposed to follow up with a list of their own. It's like one of them chain letters, minus the threatening repercussions like, "Your internets won't work for seven days" if you don't reply and tag the person who sent it to you. Dude, true story...I got home last night and my AIM wouldn't work. I initially thought, "Damn you facebook," but it turns out I had to install a mandatory update on my AIM. Phew!

But not seriously, I've had a hard time reading through those 25 things thingies. I only made it through two of them. Maybe it's the ADD. I couldn't help but think, "25?" Don't let the blog fool you, it's actually pretty surface, so my initial thinking was, "scratch that, I don't want them to know five things about me let alone 25." But since I'm on the economic plan, meaning I've been staying home watching marathons of Inside The Actors Studio which allowed me to spend only $20 last week and I don't want my cable to go out, I decide to hop on this facebook trend and list 25 Random Things I Want You To Know About Me.

25. I woke up this morning, took a piss and washed my hands...

24. I also brushed my teeth.

23. Colgate Whitening > Aquafresh

22. I'm Djimon Honson black...(Thanks a lot Mex)

21. I'm haitian and haitians are black. Take that you penguin ass looking Toccarra!

20. Wyclef is NOT my cousin

19. I like Paula Patton

18. I met Paula Patton

17. I took a picture with Paula Patton

16. I like Kim Kardashian

15.I met Kim Kardashian

14. I took a picture with Kim Kardashian

13. Lauren London too...

12. " "

11. " "

Lauren London & Djimon Honson...

10. If I can get Maia Campbell off crack and get her to move in with me, Mark can have Freida Pinto. NOT!

9. I could have saved Lauryn Hill.

8. [Scratches head looking for more items]

7. I'll karate kid kick your dragon fly jones ass!

6. I walk fast.

5. You probably walk slow.

4. R.I.P. Pimp C


2. I used to hate my name cause I thought it was too generic. Instead, I wanted to be called John, Joe or Mike. Go figure!

1. My name is Carl.

Hurry up and do yours before something bad happens.