Monday, February 23, 2009

Here's The Sureshot Way To Win An Oscar...


Phillipe Pettit...

I know many of you probably think the Oscars are long and boring, but I didn't mind last night's show for some reason.

I watched the entire event without touching the remote much and actually laughed a few times. Tina Fey and Steve Martin killed it, I loved Phillipe Pettit, the French guy balancing his Oscar on his chin and loved anything involving a Slumdog Millionaire win or performance. Mumbai stand up! I did notice three patterns, though. If some of you are aspiring thespians and hope to deliver an acceptance speech one day, I think I have a few suggestions.

Play Gay: Sean Penn won Best Actor for playing a fa'nook, not that there's anything wrong with that, last night. Heath Ledger and Jake Gylenhall were nominated for Brokeback Mountain, Greg Kinnear for As Good As It Gets and Tom Hanks won for playing a gay guy in Philadelphia a while back. I've never seen Capote, but judging from the clips I've seen I'm thinking he was gay and Phillipe Seymour Hoffman won for that. Play gay, you'll win, if not you'll get nominated.

Play Real: Folks also seem to win or get nominated for portraying real people. Sean Penn (Milk), Jamie Foxx (Ray), Will Smith (Ali & The Pursuit Of Happyness), Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon), Forest Whitaker (The Last King Of Scotland), Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Capote), Joaquin Phoenix (Walk the Line), etc, etc.

Don't Speak English: Or don't be American. At least in this day and age. Kate Winslet won Best Actress, she's from the UK. Penelope Cruz won Best Supporting Actress, she can't speak English. Ledger's Australian. Off the top, Sean Penn may have been the only American to win something last night. Don't even get me started on all the other winners. Most of them bordeline needed interpretors. Last year Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men), Tilda Swinton (Michael Clayton) Marion Cottilard (Mome La) and Daniel Day Lewis (There Will Be Blood) won top honors. That's one Spaniard, a French and two Brits, respectively. By the way, the Brits are just killing the game right now.

I initially was gonna add "Don't Be Black," but it's been better for us the last few years. Taraji P. Henson and Viola Davis were nominated this year. I think they give us one or two nods here and there now just to shut us up. But we still have a shot if we play a real person like Jamie Foxx and Forest Whitaker did.

1 comment:

Jesus Talks said...

You can add "Don't Be Chinese, Korean" I mean when have you ever seen a Seoul brudda get win. I was gonna say "Don't Be Asian" but Slumdog won big this year