Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I Like Doing Hoodrat Stuff With My Friends...


Latarian "Real Talk" Milton...

It's fun to do bad things. Those of you who've hung out with me know that I have a juvenile streak.

Never been a thug or anything, but I've always had vackquabond tendencies. Please don't tell my mom. Every now and then, I just feel the urge to do something niggorant. The good thing is I usually control my urges. The bad thing is I get pretty jerk-ish when provoked. I think I may have told you about the time I threw gum in that rude lady's hair when I was 16. Pretty bad, I know. I don't do that stuff anymore, but every now and then, I still do hoodrat stuff with or without my friends. Since a good portion of my stories are too incriminating, I decided to share the last two hoodrat things I did.

I tend to forget that women fear walking alone late at night. I understand it, but at the same time can't help but get offended when a woman steps aside to let me walk in front of her. I know she's being cautious, but again, I can't help but think this chick thinks I'm suspect. So I'm walking into my building around 7 P.M. last week when this girl in front of me turns around, slows down and then let's me walk in front of her. So I step inside, get my keys out and open the building's front door. It turns out that the chick didn't live there. She was probably just visiting a friend or something. So right when she was about to come in behind me, I closed the door on her and kept it moving. Sorry! I just had to do it.

On another note, I think I've told you guys that I'm the unofficial fastest man in the world when missing public transportation. As previously mentioned, put a MTA train or Bus at the finish line and I could probably beat Usain Bolt. It's true. I so happened to see Mr. Bolt at an NBA Live party late last year. So I walked up to him, tapped him on the shoulder, gave him a dead ass look and told him, "I run faster than you." He gave me this "you crazy" look. Pffttt! Don't sleep.

Time to come clean now. What's the last hood rat thing you've done?

3 comments:

Farrah said...

Who's the little fat boy...What did he do to you!!!

Clark Kent said...

LMAO. That's funny. Umm, when I first moved here, I didn't have much money and I was on a pay phone when this lady dropped a $20 bill. I slammed my foot on the bill and snatched it up.

Minutes later the woman came back and I overheard her say to her friend, "I swore I dropped $20 here." I was still on the pay phone snickering.

Anonymous said...

vackquabond? use a thesaurus much?