Tuesday, April 28, 2009

5 Reasons Why I Refuse To See Obsessed...

There are some movies I just refuse to see.

Not too long ago, I told you guys I've never seen allegedly classic movies like The Titanic, E.T. and Brokeback Mountain. I don't have anything against E.T., but it played on HBO On Demand earlier this year and for some reason I had absolutely no interest in seeing it. I have Netflix now, so I've been ordering all these classic flicks like Wall Street, Platoon and Terms Of Endearment, but you won't find E.T. In my queue. As for Brokeback Mountain, let's not even go there. I don't think I wanna see Titanic either. I mean, it's not like I don't know how the movie ends.

In any event, imagine my surprise when I saw that Obsessed, that God awful Fatal Attraction rip off starring Beyonce Knowles and the Black Brad Pitt aka Idris Elba, debuted at no.1 at the box office- generating $28 million in its opening weekend. It even topped Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr.'s The Soloist aka a movie I'm going to see this weekend. Aside from Beyonce stans, I suspect that people went to see it just so they can laugh at how bad it is. Me, not so much. I wouldn't even go if Paula Patton or some smoking hot chick invited me. Well, I might consider going, but if I did, I'd lie to ya'll about it. I won't even see it when it hits cable. As a matter of fact, here are five reasons why I'll never see Obsessed.

5. Beyonce Is In It: This chick's been acting for years now and she's hardly shown any improvement. I heard she did decent in Cadillac Records, but then again, that was a singing role. Trust, I likes Beyonce, just not when she's acting.

4. Idris Elba Has No Facial Hair In It: Idris usually rocks the goatee or even the mustache as he does as Charles Miner in NBC's The Office. But, for Obsessed, dude is clean shaven. It kinda gives him an air of douchism, which explains why he cheats on his wife in the damn movie.

3. The White Girl Ain't Hot Enough: Granted, according to the story line, this white girl is supposed to be a slut bag, but there's no way I'd cheat on Beyonce for that chick. It's just not believable. I love Jennifer Love Hewitt and I wouldn't even cheat on Beyonce with her. Maybe Alyssa Milano, though.

2. I Could Be Seeing/Doing Something Else: Dude, The Soloist is out and Wolverine (no, I didn't see the bootleg) comes out Friday. Why in the hell would I wanna see Obsessed over those? Then, next week, Star Trek comes out. If I'm not watching one of those three, I'd rather be home getting my Netflix on.

1. Beyonce Can't Act: I'm pretty sure you've seen the preview when Beyonce asks, "someone was in my house?" I don't really think she wanted to know. The way she said it, I was really waiting for her to be like, "oh, it's cool. I left the door open anyway." Plus she just doesn't look like a mother. She needs more people. Steven Seagal > Beyonce


Assertive Wit said...

hahhahahahahahahah you prefer Steven Segal to Beyonce? you're fired...and you're right, a LOT of people went to see it to see how bad it was but surprisingly, I've heard nothing but good things about the movie...I'm gonna go see it...only because I love all kinds of cinema...even trash :)

Joe D. said...

"I saw that Obsessed, that God awful Fatal Attraction rip off"

Get out of my brain. That's exactly what i though.

dp said...

I saw Obsessed last nite on the Optimum Rewards free Tuesday movie nite shit. Me and the wife brought our food in the theatre and we hoped that the LCD freakshow in the theatre lobby meant we would enjoy a raucous evening of people talking through the movie.

It didn't happen. I actually had the best line spoken in the theatre last nite. After Beyonce beats the white broad I yelled out "she's a survivor!"

Ypur motion picture fails when I have the best line spoken.

Yes, Beyonce is a horrible movie actress. Homegirl is built for silent films an music videos where she can shake her neck all Black girl style and make her wigs move around all crazy.

True story is that as stiff and mechanical as Beyonce was Idris Elba was worse. Yeah I said it. Dude ruined the film more than Beyonce. I have watched my Wolverine bootlegg three times now and I an't wait to fux with the official tissue bone gristle this weekend.

Habana Outpost, First Saturday, brunch on Underhill, too much shit going on in this damn city

Che Guerrilla said...

Steven Segal is the goat of this bad acting shit!

bogart4017 said...

I don't like the feeling that someone is being "forced" on me. Bey is wandering into that category. Movies, commercials, cds, interviews. Take a rest lil sis.

glennykravitz said...

LMAO @ no.1