Thursday, May 14, 2009

Chery Love: If I Had My Own VH1 Show

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a sucker for those VH1 love shows. I religiously watched the first two seasons of Flavor Of Love, didn't miss a beat on Real Chance Of Love and really enjoyed For The Love Of Ray J.

Those of you who have been reading this blog know I've had a hard time meeting my match. Who knows, VH1 may be able to help. I'm no celebrity but I look at least better than Flavor Flav and I haven't been doing too bad for myself over the years, so I'd like to think I'd be able to attract a pretty decent stable. If anything, maybe they'd be excited about being seen on TV.

I'm a nobody, but you'd swear I was famous the way I'd be acting on the show. Here's the trick, I'd have to be involved in every single recruiting phase. We'd probably hit up Habana Outpost in Broolyn for some prospects. Some of these Love contestants be hurt so I'm not trying to waste my time or theirs for that matter. It's either that, or I eliminate roughly half the pack by the first episode. Once the cast is slimmed down to a few beauties, I probably wouldn't make cuts every episode. I'd take my time to get to know the girls.

I'm not big on PDA (Public Display Of Affection), so you wouldn't catch me tonguing down none of the chicks on camera. Flavor consulted with Big Rick, Real and Chance had each other and New York took advice from the wicked witch of Eastwick, so I'd have my own counsel comprised of some of my best buds, including Mark, Sam please say the Ed, Roni, my cousins Frantz and Ted and my 514 fam, Edcredible, Fred and Qwest, to help me make decision. You dunn know I'm tight with a bunch of Haitian vackquabonds, so there would probably be some  extra goons hangin' around whatever Mansion Viacom gets for us. Here's the twist. Once elimininated, the girls wouldn't be kicked out the house, just removed from the competition. They'd still get to come whenever we go out, they just wouldn't be in contention to be the last girl. But since my boys are around anyway, I'd tell him to holler at any of the ex contestants if they felt one of them. The good thing is, since I wouldn't kiss any of them, it's not like my boys would get sloppy seconds or anything. We were just talking. It ain't no fun if the homies can't have none, right? I wouldn't be surprised if one of them assholes tried to holla at one of the girls I'm liking either. 

I'm thinking I may wanna invite past contestants from other shows too. I saw Rabbit in the city a few times and she definitely lived up to my in-person expectations. I like me some Buckeey, but I don't do poultry, so I'd probably have to leave her on some Atlanta video set. Trust me, I run with a bunch of characters. There wouldn't be too much Sean Coonery, but there'd be jokes for days. Come to think about it, I probably wouldn't even be the real star of the show.

What about you, fellers? What would your show be like? Ladies, would you ever consider being a contestants for a person you like, or have say 20 men fight over you? Knowing myself, I'd probably give VH1 a headache then go crazy and quit the first day.


MeLa Machinko said...

I'm just mad i didn't get an honorable mention.. you KNOW Im supposed to be your assistant! (Like Ray J's 'godsister'.. LOL

Clark Kent said...

You can be on Danger's new show:

Yellow Rebel said...

Carl, this blog post was so classic it made Cuban Linx on

slangrap said...

This. Is. Comedy.