Told You I Was the G.O.A.T...

Those of you who know me know I’m somewhat of a hoodrat.

I’m the type to do something stupid just so I can tell you about it later. For example, one of my boys got into a quasi-fight with a fa’nook (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and his homegirl earlier this year. I knew the fellers had it covered, so rather than jump in, I went across the street and got our "adversaries"' friend’s number just so I can tell my boys about it over drinks.

I haven’t had to make up too many stories lately, though. I’ve become sort of the G.O.A.T. Just last Wednesday my facebook status read, “Is tired of being the G.O.A.T.” Right on cue, my boy Ali, a Top 5 Carl ball buster right behind my punk ass cousin Farrah, commented, “Oh Carl, I'm so glad that you're still that same ole humble person.” Actually, I wasn’t referring to any prowess, but my unmatched ability to find myself in the most unlikely storylines—the type of stuff you just can’t make up.

Like, I was kinda sorta so to speak hanging out with this girl this summer. We’ll call her Tina. I can’t really remember how many dates we’d been on at the time, but we spoke via AIM fairly often and occasionally traded text messages. Anyway, one night, during one of our many IM conversations, we began toying with the idea of hooking up some of our friends. She apparently had this one girl in mind. We’ll call her Rachel. You know us guys always need visuals (even when it's not for us) before committing to a hook up. Thankfully, she told me providing photos wouldn’t be a problem ‘cause Rachel had a website. Imagine my surprise when I clicked the link. I'd actually gotten Rachel’s phone number at a bar in the city days before. TRUE STORY!

To make a long story even longer, I was standing near the front door, trying to see if this bench was dry enough to sit on when Rachel invited me to sit next to her. After chatting for a few minutes, she announced that she was leaving and suggested, “why don't you take my number down?” Mind you, I had no clue Tina and Rachel were friends; and Rachel didn’t know Tina and I were talking. It was all pure coincidence. WHAT…THE…FUCK!

Still in shock, I pondered my options. Should I tell her? What if I don’t and bump into Tina and Rachel at a later date? I hadn’t even made contact with Rachel, so how big a deal could it be? Thinking I had more to lose by keeping it a secret, I decided to tell her. Now, my cousin was against it. He said I should have avoided potential Rachel collisions for some time and then brush it off if I ever had to face the situation. Only me. I swear!!!

But wait, there’s more. Several weeks later, Tina so happened to be on my facebook page and noticed that I recently friended a girl named Tonya. She must have sensed that Tonya and I met earlier this summer. Not sure if it’s standard behavior when women like guys, but Tina decided to click through. Come to find out, Tonya had two friends in common, me and Tina's EX!!!!! Further research revealed that her ex contemplated talking to Tonya, but decided against it for reasons that are none of your nosy ass business.

SO, I typically conclude entries with one question, but I’ll use a mini questionnaire today. Did I make the right decision by telling Tina? Fellers, would you tell? Ladies, how would you respond if you were Tina? Was my cousin’s advice any good? Do you ever look through your mate, person-of-interest/secret crush’s facebook page to see what's going on? See you guys in four months.

My Inner Nerd...

I've never been much of a nerd growing up.

I never looked the part and surely never had the grades to match. I did pretty good in college, but as I may have mentioned before, I managed to get good grades without buying any books and I hardly ever studied. Not too nerdy. But looking back now, I've always been into things associated with nerds...at least for grown ups.

I'm not much of a comic book collector. My last purchase was the Watchmen graphic novel I bought earlier this year. Before that I pretty much got my Marvel and D.C. Comics education through my older brother's immense collection. I may not buy new comics, but I turn into an absolute stan when superheroes hit the big screen. Well, there are exceptions. Hulk was pretty suckspect and I gave up on Daredevil the second I found out Ben Affleck was casted as Matt Murdock. But if I like them, I usually cop the DVD when they come out.

I've been having a hard time adding Transformers and G.I. Joe to my DVD collection, though. Not the movies, but the original cartoon series. I always found some questionnable versions on Amazon.com, but they never looked too official. It turns out the complete series will finally be available this month, Transformers next week and G.I. Joe on July 22. You already know my inner nerd came out and I pre-ordered them joints.

Video games are another thing associated with nerds but everybody but me has a recent system (I never got past PS2) so I'm not sure it counts. What about you guys? What are some of the "nerdy" things you're into? Does your room look like Steve Carrell's in The 40-year-old Virgin? Tell me about your inner nerd.

How Dare You Say That About Michael's Song?

When Michael Jackson passed last Thursday, I called my older brother Gary— the main person responsible for me being an MJ stan growing up.

"Are you gonna blog about it?" he asked. I did try writing a little something, but just couldn't find the right words so I left it alone. Besides, what's another blurb on MJ these days. Like, pretty much anything comes off cliche at this point. Yes, I still can't believe he's gone. Yes, it feels like a family member died. Yes, I've never seen anything like this in my lifetime. 

It's incredible to walk around and hear random cars bump cuts off Thriller or Off the Wall. The day after his death, most of us at the job expected MJ sales to go back up possibly even top the charts. Well, we looked at the numbers this morning and it turns out he actually has the top 3 albums in the country. His Number Ones CD sold 107, 800 copies, Essential Michael Jackson moved 102, 000 units and Thriller scanned 101, 000 CDs. 

After sharing chart numbers, some of us at the office somehow ended up pitting Thriller against Off the Wall. While my boy Rob picked Off the Wall, my other co-worker, who shall remain anonymous, chose Thriller— citing that the album only had one "wack song." I don't know about you guys, but I thought that album was pretty much flawless, let alone featured a "wack song." The funny thing is, I was just listening to "The Lady In My Life" on my iPod moments earlier, so I showed it to him. "Yes! That song," he confirmed. "That song is horrible." Dude! That song is a CLASSIC and there's no debating it. If you think otherwise, I'm forced to question you as a human being. Basically, you're suckspect. Rob and I immediately told him he was bugging. If you can't remember the song off top, click here to listen. 

Man, I borderline took it personal when he dissed the song. He said it was too soft. Duhhhhh! It's a freakin' love song. Anyway, should my co-worker have been stabbed, shot, or gotten the chair for blaspheming on MJ's classic? Anybody else think that song is "horrible" or "too soft?" If so, please delete me from your facebook. Thank you!

Have You Ever Been Blogged About?

I've said it a while back and I'll say it again. Blogging is the new rapping.

Everybody's got a freakin' blog. Interestingly enough, my blog has become sort of a punchline for some of my friends. We'll be out, something totally random happens and they joke, "you gon blog about this?" In some instances, something they deem blogworthy happens and they suggest that I write about it. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Some of my personal favorite blog entries have actually been inspired by my friends' suggestions. At times, they have dilemmas and ask me to blog about it so they can get some input from the comments. I usually run details by them before and make sure I do have their permission posting anything. 

I didn't always do the same thing for some of my earlier blog topics. I admit, I've written an entry or three poking fun at some women I've dated. I should have known better. God knows I'd be pissed if I found out that some girl blogged about me. A few of my homies have been dissed in blogs in the past. They weren't too thrilled. 

I still write from experience, but now the bulk of the content is based on convos I have with my friends. Still, sometimes I wonder if some people feel targeted whenever reading this blog. I hope not. 

What about you guys? Have you ever been blogged about? If so, was it flattering? Was it upsetting? What'd you do about it? As far as I know I've never been blogged about. And since I don't blog about anybody in particular, I hope it stays that way. If not, you guys might witness some serious ether.  

I Should Like You...But I Just Don't

I still blog from time to time in case you were wondering.

I just haven't had much to talk about lately so I hit the streets and started messing with people for inspiration. Still nothing. But I was talking to this bel ti fi earlier today and thought of something. Some of my friends (hi Mark) tease me about being too picky every now and then. I must say, I can't totally disagree with them. I also tend to make a big deal out of small things, so I get turned off of women pretty easy.

I ran a few deal-breaking incidents by a few of my friends a while back. They all had a good laugh, but for the most part, they didn't think the infractions were that bad. Looking back, maybe they weren't. The thing is, in some cases, it's a build up. Once somebody has annoyed you one too many times, from that point, the slightest thing will get on your nerves from here on out.

Anyway, taking into consideration that I may have been bugging, I told myself I needed to loosen up a bit...you know, try to focus on women's qualities rather than fuss about them asking too many questions during movies. I did try to apply my new tude. The thing is, no matter how much the girls had going for themselves, it just wasn't enough. They were cute, intelligent, liked Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, but still...NOTHING! The girls were great on paper, but I didn't care. It's like... I forced myself to like somebody, but it obviously didn't work. Like, I should like you, but I just don't. Oh well, I'll probably fall for the biggest bitch instead. 

Fellers, ever been in the same situation? Ladies, I know you have.

Chery Love: If I Had My Own VH1 Show

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a sucker for those VH1 love shows. I religiously watched the first two seasons of Flavor Of Love, didn't miss a beat on Real Chance Of Love and really enjoyed For The Love Of Ray J.

Those of you who have been reading this blog know I've had a hard time meeting my match. Who knows, VH1 may be able to help. I'm no celebrity but I look at least better than Flavor Flav and I haven't been doing too bad for myself over the years, so I'd like to think I'd be able to attract a pretty decent stable. If anything, maybe they'd be excited about being seen on TV.

I'm a nobody, but you'd swear I was famous the way I'd be acting on the show. Here's the trick, I'd have to be involved in every single recruiting phase. We'd probably hit up Habana Outpost in Broolyn for some prospects. Some of these Love contestants be hurt so I'm not trying to waste my time or theirs for that matter. It's either that, or I eliminate roughly half the pack by the first episode. Once the cast is slimmed down to a few beauties, I probably wouldn't make cuts every episode. I'd take my time to get to know the girls.

I'm not big on PDA (Public Display Of Affection), so you wouldn't catch me tonguing down none of the chicks on camera. Flavor consulted with Big Rick, Real and Chance had each other and New York took advice from the wicked witch of Eastwick, so I'd have my own counsel comprised of some of my best buds, including Mark, Sam please say the Ed, Roni, my cousins Frantz and Ted and my 514 fam, Edcredible, Fred and Qwest, to help me make decision. You dunn know I'm tight with a bunch of Haitian vackquabonds, so there would probably be some  extra goons hangin' around whatever Mansion Viacom gets for us. Here's the twist. Once elimininated, the girls wouldn't be kicked out the house, just removed from the competition. They'd still get to come whenever we go out, they just wouldn't be in contention to be the last girl. But since my boys are around anyway, I'd tell him to holler at any of the ex contestants if they felt one of them. The good thing is, since I wouldn't kiss any of them, it's not like my boys would get sloppy seconds or anything. We were just talking. It ain't no fun if the homies can't have none, right? I wouldn't be surprised if one of them assholes tried to holla at one of the girls I'm liking either. 

I'm thinking I may wanna invite past contestants from other shows too. I saw Rabbit in the city a few times and she definitely lived up to my in-person expectations. I like me some Buckeey, but I don't do poultry, so I'd probably have to leave her on some Atlanta video set. Trust me, I run with a bunch of characters. There wouldn't be too much Sean Coonery, but there'd be jokes for days. Come to think about it, I probably wouldn't even be the real star of the show.

What about you, fellers? What would your show be like? Ladies, would you ever consider being a contestants for a person you like, or have say 20 men fight over you? Knowing myself, I'd probably give VH1 a headache then go crazy and quit the first day.

I Don't Look Like Dwight Howard...Do I?

Dwight Howard...

People just love to tell me I look like so and so.

As I've mentioned before, I've been told I resemble everybody from Omar Epps to Mos Def. For a while, those two names always seemed to pop up. Lately, I've been told I look like Orlando Magic center, Dwight Howard. Not so much. It all started with the homie Toby a while back, maybe as far as two years ago. We all got pretty twisted and he mentioned that I looked light Dwight. At the time, I laughed it off and blamed it on the alcohol. I didn't hear it again until earlier this year. The homie Bonsu went as far as to say I should audition for his Lil' Penny, Lil' Dwight if you will.

Some Dude...

You know what the problem might be? I smile too damn much. I'm always showing teeth, all 31 of them to be exact. DH also smiles a lot so maybe that's it. Other than that, the only similarity between Dwight Howard and I, is superb leaping ability. Well, I can't dunk anymore, but I used to hurt the rim back in the day. Anyway, I was all ready to totally slam (no pun intended) the Dwight Howard resemblance until I stumbled on the following photo.

I still don't think he looks like me, but maybe the gummy smile is what makes people point to a resemblance. Now, I'm not mad. I hear the ladies are quite fond of Dwight, so it's not a bad look. I just think the comparison is off. Do I look like Dwight Howard? Absolutely not! But then again, maybe I'm buggin'. What do you guys think?