Monday, November 23, 2009

I Quit!




Obviously, blogging hasn't been easy for me these past few months.

It's not that my life's been so uneventful that I haven't had anything to write about, not exactly. As I've told you before, I prefer blogging when the entries write themselves. And whenever something blogworthy happened during the past few months, I've seemingly struggled to find the right words to bring new entries to life. It's usually much easier when recounting real life events, but even that hasn't been working. At one point, I was playing around with this Top 10 Overrated White Girls list, but I never quite got into the right rhythm to complete it.

While on hiatus, I occasionally bumped into people asking when my next blog was coming. I never had an answer. By the way, last week's entry, Told You I Was the G.O.A.T., almost never made it onto the site. I must have contemplated it for weeks before finally writing it. As always, when I finally decided to move forward, the entry wrote itself. I actually thought it was some of my best work. I felt great about it until I realized it only got five comments, including two from some anonymous person. Man, I bricked! I went triple wood!

Frankly, I'm a little confused... but I’m pretty sure I think you guys suck. I thought I had an instant classic on my hands, but instead of commenting, you punks hit me on AIM with some "lol, crazy" or asked me some unrelated questions like, "what's good for the weekend?" Assholes! I mostly make fun of poultry on this blog, but the one time I write an entry about a girl I like, you guys don’t have anything to say? Was it not goofy enough? Am I relegated to writing about pelicans, interior scarf wearing pricks, fasting bloggers, upsetting train rides and weird theories? You people disgust me. I guess you jerks didn’t miss me that much. I quit!

KIDDING!

But seriously, I'm still curious to know what you think about last week's entry, so if you haven't yet, click here and leave a comment. You can be anonymous.

[Blogger's Note: I'm sure someone somewhere thinks I'm dead serious]

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Told You I Was the G.O.A.T...

Those of you who know me know I’m somewhat of a hoodrat.

I’m the type to do something stupid just so I can tell you about it later. For example, one of my boys got into a quasi-fight with a fa’nook (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and his homegirl earlier this year. I knew the fellers had it covered, so rather than jump in, I went across the street and got our "adversaries"' friend’s number just so I can tell my boys about it over drinks.

I haven’t had to make up too many stories lately, though. I’ve become sort of the G.O.A.T. Just last Wednesday my facebook status read, “Is tired of being the G.O.A.T.” Right on cue, my boy Ali, a Top 5 Carl ball buster right behind my punk ass cousin Farrah, commented, “Oh Carl, I'm so glad that you're still that same ole humble person.” Actually, I wasn’t referring to any prowess, but my unmatched ability to find myself in the most unlikely storylines—the type of stuff you just can’t make up.

Like, I was kinda sorta so to speak hanging out with this girl this summer. We’ll call her Tina. I can’t really remember how many dates we’d been on at the time, but we spoke via AIM fairly often and occasionally traded text messages. Anyway, one night, during one of our many IM conversations, we began toying with the idea of hooking up some of our friends. She apparently had this one girl in mind. We’ll call her Rachel. You know us guys always need visuals (even when it's not for us) before committing to a hook up. Thankfully, she told me providing photos wouldn’t be a problem ‘cause Rachel had a website. Imagine my surprise when I clicked the link. I'd actually gotten Rachel’s phone number at a bar in the city days before. TRUE STORY!

To make a long story even longer, I was standing near the front door, trying to see if this bench was dry enough to sit on when Rachel invited me to sit next to her. After chatting for a few minutes, she announced that she was leaving and suggested, “why don't you take my number down?” Mind you, I had no clue Tina and Rachel were friends; and Rachel didn’t know Tina and I were talking. It was all pure coincidence. WHAT…THE…FUCK!

Still in shock, I pondered my options. Should I tell her? What if I don’t and bump into Tina and Rachel at a later date? I hadn’t even made contact with Rachel, so how big a deal could it be? Thinking I had more to lose by keeping it a secret, I decided to tell her. Now, my cousin was against it. He said I should have avoided potential Rachel collisions for some time and then brush it off if I ever had to face the situation. Only me. I swear!!!

But wait, there’s more. Several weeks later, Tina so happened to be on my facebook page and noticed that I recently friended a girl named Tonya. She must have sensed that Tonya and I met earlier this summer. Not sure if it’s standard behavior when women like guys, but Tina decided to click through. Come to find out, Tonya had two friends in common, me and Tina's EX!!!!! Further research revealed that her ex contemplated talking to Tonya, but decided against it for reasons that are none of your nosy ass business.

SO, I typically conclude entries with one question, but I’ll use a mini questionnaire today. Did I make the right decision by telling Tina? Fellers, would you tell? Ladies, how would you respond if you were Tina? Was my cousin’s advice any good? Do you ever look through your mate, person-of-interest/secret crush’s facebook page to see what's going on? See you guys in four months.